What Is Real Right Now
WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW Simon began the 4th grade last week. The start of school has traditionally been a challenge for him as he navigates a new classroom, new teachers, new structures and a return to old routines here at home but so far he's been doing great. Definitely a bit sleepy this morning as we all adjust to waking up earlier.
WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW is that Simon is doing just awesome: riding his bike, reaching out to other kids, being more comfortable in new situations, reading books with joy and excitement. It's so amazing how much he loves to read if it's something he's really interested in - which really is not all that amazing when I remember that my favorite things to read are things I'm really into and excited about. We just need to find more of things for him. A couple Tuesdays ago he read a Shrek book to me for 2 hours while I was working.
WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW is that fall is on it's way. I could feel it last night coming in through the half-open windows. I saw it yesterday in a few leaves that are beginning to change colors and drop to the street. I saw it again early this morning when waking to complete darkness.
WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW is that Chris and I are having a challenging time. There are many things we are great at together and yet many areas in which we struggle to connect. I want you to know that life is real here - just as it is in your home and your life - and there's good and bad and easy days and hard ones and this happens to be a time in my life that is really hard. I'd totally take your prayers, your positive energy, your wishes of strength and peace, and your compassion. Things are changing here and I'm hoping to face this next chapter of my story with grace and an open heart.
WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW is that Anna is two. She's more two than I think Simon ever was - she's got opinions and the language skills to back them up. She's also much more of a boundary tester than Simon. She loves to jump on the couch and asks "Why Mom?" as a response to just about everything. She started a daily Montessori preschool last week and seems to be adjusting just fine. Chris and I dropped her off this morning and she was so happy to show him her school and have him meet her teacher and see her classroom. She's really pretty darn amazing and I'm so happy she's a part of my life.
WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW is that I finished both The Help and Little Bee last month. Loved them both. I asked for suggestions via Facebook and Twitter last week and started Cutting For Stone last night. Hoping to go see The Help this weekend.
WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW is that this post from my friend Jen Lemen is super inspiring: How To Be Dangerous.
WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW are these words: This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; in its place is something that you have left behind...let it be something good. Author Unknown.
Thanks for the honesty and sharing real life. We all are in it together...take care
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We can always count on your honesty and completely fresh take on life's challenges. You're in my heart and my prayers.
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We all experience having a hard time "connecting" with our spouses, especially after having children and especially if one of them has special needs. Our oldest has aspberger's and boy oh boy is that a challenge like nothing else I've ever faced in my life and it is very hard on our relationship. However, it is the qualities that we both bring to our relationship with each other and with our children that makes it work in the long run (even though I'm quite sure that the qualities that are good are the ones that make each of us nuts from time to time!) If our kids were with just one of us, it would be lop-sided, they wouldn't fully benefit from the positive qualities that we both bring to the table. We're both needed to both of them. My husband, in the midst of behaviors that push me to the edge, is a calming force that makes me laugh at the insanity and helps me see things more clearly. My no-nonsense approach to dealing with issues helps him to focus and push our son where he probably wouldn't. We're both needed and at the end of the day, it's not about us right now, it's about our kids...raising them and preparing them to be independent adults. Do we lose ourselves a bit along the way and do we fail to take time for each other like we should and does that have an effect? Yup...but I know that the foundation we have is strong, that we got married because we loved each other and were committed to staying together through better or worse. The down times are typically a phase that passes. Riding it out through those tough times and coming out on the other side still committed and together is what deepens and strengthens a relationship. Hang in there...
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I understand this post very well. As a mother of a special needs child it always seems like nothing is ever perfect at the same time. When one thing is going well it seems something else falls apart. When those perfect moments do come and everything seems to be going smoothly I cherish them even more. Wishing you many perfect moments and the peace and strength to make it through the tough times...and I will include you in my prayers.
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All positive thoughts your way. I work for a marriage counselor and know that sometimes a neutral third party can help. That is easier said than done. Both parties have to be invested in it. Hope you are both invested in all the positives you have.
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Ali,I'm not very strong, but I have lots of love & compassion I'm sending your way. Things will work out in a way the universe decides,in the meantime,stay true to yourself & all of your awesomeness.Know you are worthy... xo
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It's funny that you wrote this post today. I have a daughter just about Anna'a age and strong-willed doesn't even begin to describe her! Smart as a whip, but she challenges me at every turn. I always look to your blog to see how it "should" be done. I get so many ideas and positive vibes from you. These I believe help me to be a better mom, partner, friend and person. Your honest writing today only further encourages me to read your blog and apply your insights to my own life. I believe that being joyful and appreciative during life's more difficult times is really where true happiness comes from. You embody that principal and that serves as a wonderful reminder to us all. I'll be thinking of you and your family.
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What's real right now: I haven't stopped thinking of you since I read this a few hours ago and it makes me feel sorta silly since I don't know you personally.
What's real right now: I came back to leave you a comment and let you know my heart is hurting for you.
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Praying for you, Chris, Simon and Anna.
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Sending prayers your way. Marriage isn't easy and we don't always connect on everything but you have to remember the love & friendship that brought you together and don't let it go. Today, everyone wants the easy way and their own way but we are here to serve others. Love the quote...I need to copy that and read it every day!! God Bless.
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Ali, So very sorry to read you re going through challenging times. I will definitely keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Remember Phil. 4:13 and Let go and let God.
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Lots of positive thoughts heading your way. We've been through ups and downs. Times of great joy and times of wondering if it was all worth it. Fortunately, the ups and the joys have significantly outweighed the downs and doubts, but in those down times, I couldn't see that. However, I'm so wonderfully glad we persevered.
Keep on keeping on, remember why you're together to start with, be honest, find ways to be a team and you'll make it through to the other side sooner or later.
All my best to your family.
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Prayers, positivity, compassion & grace to you Ali! Thanks for your authenticity in your post. We are all far more alike than different, that is for sure! Peace...
PS The Gargoyle by Andrew Davidson is a fantastic book! So well written, great story, great escapism!
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I am holding you in awareness!
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your honesty is always inspiring to me. life is full of ups and downs and i am always uplifted by people who are willing to willing share them both with me (us). i am a little older and have an older family and i wish i could say things get easier - but we just go with it.
regarding books: cutting for stone is one my favorites from the last year or two! i think you'll love it.
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it is because you are so real Ali, that you have the power to reach the path to our hearts, even though we have never met.. It is because you are so real Ali, that many of us who quietly wonder if life has the same challenges for others, find your honesty so comforting. I am always amazed at women in general and how we can all come together from different countries, walks of life, to lift each other and nuture the souls of sisterhood.. you are all amazing women! Ali, my thoughts are with you..
Jan
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Ali,
I love that you're real enough to share even the tough times with us. I think sometimes we hold you on such a pedestal that we forget that you have the same ups and downs in life that we all do. I know it helps me realize that no one is exempt from these peaks and valleys. And I need that at times, so thank you.
Keeping your family in my thoughts as you and Chris work out whatever challenges are facing you, and that you never lose hope while you do so.
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I love this real life post, Ali! Thank you for sharing it with all of us. Thinking of all of you and sending good vibes your way.
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Hi Ali, as you look forward to Fall and the good it will be bring, we are so excited here to be heading for summer and what it will bring. There is so much happening this time of year and I hope and pray that you and your family get to enjoy all that is great about this time of year as you head into your winter, and most importantly find the time together to enjoy such things. Blessings to you xx
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My thoughts and prayers are with your family too. We also had challenging times in our marriage when the chldren were younger, work was busier, money was tighter and life seemed to demand and drain everything from us leaving nothing as the end of the day. Looking back we have discussed why we staying together - sheer exhaustion seems to have been the main reason, no one had the energy left to make a move!!! However, we hung in there and have been married nearly 30 years now (our anniversary is 3 April). There is no right solution to anyones problems but time truly does help, children grow older, you become more secure in/less attached to work and find time for each other again. No one can really know your situation I guess I just want to assure you ups and downs are part of life and if you are both commited to making it work you will get through them and come out stronger in the end.
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Ali...sending my love your way. Hang in there, Chris and you both. Marriage is so important and so worth it in the end. In Jan my husband will celabrate 30 years together. I still can't believe it. We have been through a lot in those years. Seven kids,29 years in the military, many movies, etc...but it has been wroth it all. Look to your savior for the strength you need in your life right now, he is there to help always. With love!!!
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Admittedly, I was sort of at a loss for words. I was elated over the joyful news of your childten's accomplishments. As many others a little taken back by the mention of your troubles. After sitting and thinking what i could say that would be wise and encouraging...I realized this. The best thing i could offer was exactly what you so honestly and humbly requested..positive thoughts and prayers. Both of which, i hate to brag, I'm really good at!!
Thank you for the reminder that you are just like all of us..a Mom, wife, sister, daughter, and friend. A woman with feelings, trials, tests, and troubles. An amazing person that just happens to be uber-talented! Your honesty is amazing. Your passion and heart, admireable.
Sending lots of goodness & prayer your way! :)
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sending lots of positive thoughts your way. Love this post - glad to hear Simon loves to read and that Anna is loving her new educational experience. That quote at the bottom is awesome - made me really think. Take care of yourself and your family.
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I have been reading here since you started this blog all those years ago. I appreciate that you shared your struggles. I think sometime in blogland we too often present theo rosy things in life and not the real. Thanks for being real.
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I realize we don't know one another but I have been following your blog for many years now and love your honesty, integrity and creativity. I am sorry to hear you are going through a tough time right now, but you will make it through and be all the stronger for it. Wishing you and your family the very best.
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