Navigating To My Place: Part Two

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Back in April I wrote a post about some of my recent routines, including taking Simon to swimming lessons twice a week and packing his snacks. What began as a post about me evolved into a post about my Mom:

I've been thinking about my Mom so much as I pack his snack, gather his suit and towel, pick him up from school, drive him to the pool and watch him interact with his instructor. I think about her and wonder what she was thinking about as she did this for three kids, each just about 15 months apart in age. This whole process of snack-making is such an everyday activity. Did she embrace it? Did she mutter frustrations under her breath? Did she long for something else? Did she enjoy it? All those practices, all those meets and matches and games...all those moments packing snacks.

My parents are daily readers of my blog. They have been huge supporters of me in my personal and professional adventures throughout my life and have always been first in line when we needed help taking care of Simon or just needed a break at the beach (and in a million other ways as I was growing up).

My Mom read that post took the time to write some memories about what she was thinking during all those snack-making, carpool-driving days. I'd like to share them with you today. My question is in orange and her response follows.

What was she thinking about when preparing snacks for her three children?

Admitting a loss of memory for the exact thoughts I may have been thinking at the time, I can imagine the possible thoughts and questions going through my mind:



  • Thinking of schedules and time frames to get to the activities on time – because you were correct Ali, being on time was something I considered important and wanted to teach all of you the importance of that trait for your lives.

  • Thinking about groceries we needed and making lists for errands.

  • Thinking about what we were having for dinner and could I do anything to be prepared ahead of time?

  • Thinking ahead about scheduling for the homework and the importance of getting it done before bedtime.

  • Thinking about Al and wondering if he would be home for dinner that night.

  • Praying - for each of you, for all our family, prayers of gratitude for our home and blessings, that we could afford to send each of you to the special schools you attended, and that you were all healthy and able to participate in sports activities after school.



Did she embrace the snack-making?

Yes, I believe I did and was always looking for something nutritious and easy. You may remember, we purchased boxes of fruit roll-ups, peanuts, granola bars, etc. which we kept in the bottom drawer of the china cabinet. We also had lots of fruit: apples, oranges, grapes, and bananas for snacks. My college education in nutrition, as well as the early education in nutrition I received from my own Mother, taught me the importance of healthy snacks. It was a challenge to find foods you liked that were also good for your bodies.

Did she mutter frustrations under her breath?

Yes, at those times when I was tired, or sick, or overwhelmed with schedules. That’s when I would try to concentrate on the gratitude thoughts and prayers. Usually it wasn’t the snack making time that made me “mutter frustration.” It would have been the times when you were arguing with each other or complaining.

Did she long for something else?

I was very happy to be a Mother and very thankful for each of our children. I did not long for a job in my field of Family and Consumer Sciences, yet attempted to keep involved through part-time jobs and volunteer work in case I needed to get a job to help support our family.

I did “long for” a dream house, and spent time looking for that dream house for many years; eventually postponing that dream because it was more important to make sure that all of our children had the opportunity to have an excellent intellectual education as well as a physical and sports education.

My Dad says: “She longed for her families happiness.

Did she enjoy it?

The challenge to gather the snacks for people I loved and cared for was the most important aspect of my life at that present moment of my life. Looking back I am filled with gratitude that I was healthy and able to help each of you in whatever you needed at that time of your life.

My Dad says: “Of course she did.

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So why am I sharing this here?

I am a collector of stories. A collector of memories and thoughts and
images.
These words are a part of my story, of the story of my family.

There's comfort in the universal. There's comfort in the connection that many of us experience as Moms. There's comfort in those daily routines that sometimes (or often) feel monotonous. This is definitely one of the reasons I treasure the process of the Week In The Life project. I have found that forcing myself to focus on, and document, my daily life leads to so many positive self-realizations and profound reasons for celebration (or the awareness that I need to make changes).

We all get to choose our attitude. One of the things I have always admired about my Mom is her attitude. Even when she was challenged, or tired, or just done, and displayed her completely normal frustrations - my overwhelming memories of her from when I was growing up was her positive attitude and how consistent she was at expressing gratitude.

There are patterns I want to repeat. I want to teach my kids about gratitude and living with a positive attitude. I want to live those two concepts so that my kids see them in action and know them as a regular part of their lives.

Our stories are far from perfect. Mistakes have been and will be made. Forgiveness has been granted and new challenges emerge. There have been things to overcome as a family and many things we continue to struggle with today. This is our reality. This is the common human reality. And through all of it, I am thankful for them every single day and want to show them just how much I love them right now.

Invite others to share in your documenting journey. Including other people's voices in my memory keeping efforts lends authenticity and a whole different depth to the pages I create. Send an email, pick up the phone, write a letter - invite someone in your life to share their perspective on the past with you. What you get back may be completely different (and possibly even more wonderful) than you can imagine.

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55 thoughts

  1. Christina says…
    05/26/2010

    Your post made me a little sad. It's great to hear your mother's thoughts on raising children. My mother has dementia and has forgotten a lot of things. There are times when she remembers and that's when I try to jot things down. Why didn't I do this before??
    thanks for sharing. I can't wait to see the layouts you come up all those wonderful words of wisdom.

    Reply 0 Replies
  2. Loretta, Artful Yogi says…
    05/26/2010

    Your mom is a gem. But, you already know that.

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  3. Karin Podolski says…
    05/26/2010

    Ali-I vividly remember reading your original post in April. I was glad to see you circle back to the story with your mom's answers. She is truly a thoughtful, insightful woman. I also love your dad's "to-the-point" answers. Excellent.

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  4. cinback says…
    05/26/2010

    I am the story teller in my house. I rarely get into the pictures, because I am the one taking the pictures. So, I love this idea of getting others' perspective on the story. I have a plan to give both of my parents their own journal for their anniversary coming up next week. I am going to ask them to tell their own stories (whatever they'd like and whatever they remember) in the journals. Then I am going to ask for them back and see how I can incorporate their stories into my stories! I'll let you know how it goes!

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  5. Teresa says…
    05/26/2010

    How beautiful that you shared this with us. My mom works in a museum for folklore. She is all about keeping not just memories of the family (she gave me a journal for my 18th Bday where she journaled all kinds of memories while I was growing up) but also historic memories of family/friends/people. She started a little book about how she and her siblings used to play and how kids bdays are celebrated. totally amazing to read! Now she starts a business that helps people from the US to find family/roots in Germany. I am very proud of her.

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  6. Helen says…
    05/26/2010

    Oh Ali, this has really made me think and your Dad's comment “She longed for her families happiness" brought tears to my eyes. What more wonderful words could possibly be uttered about a Mum?

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  7. merryheart2 says…
    05/26/2010

    thank you both for sharing this. i really enjoyed it. thanks for reminding me how big the little things are.

    Reply 0 Replies
  8. Johanna Hörrmann says…
    05/26/2010

    Your mentions of universal stories, patterns and other voices reminded me of something beautiful:
    When my Grandmother died, I found a journal she kept when she was at college and met my Granddad. I am so very thankful to have these jotted notes of her life when she was as old as I was when reading them - they gave me a whole new perspective and made me appreciate she was just like me in so many ways, as she too was once a young woman figuring out what life to live. Her voice speaking to me through all these years formed such a strong connection I will cherish forever.

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  9. Kathy (kathyb) says…
    05/27/2010

    Thank you for sharing this Ali and reminding us of what is important. I love how you've documented your Mum's thoughtful and detailed responses, with your Dad "chirping" in along side...espeially where he replied "of course she did". I can imagine my parents responding in this way and even my husband and I too.

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  10. Alarmyma@ptd.net says…
    05/27/2010

    Ali..Thank you for reminding all of us not to forget the little things that make up our daily lifes....I find myself capturing my everyday life more than the BIG days like Christmas ect.My mom and I were talking about this stuff the other day....thanks for a great blog to read daily..

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  11. Lisa A. A. says…
    05/27/2010

    I love that this is all about a simple, daily task that all moms can relate to! WIth children ages 6 & 8 I have often thought about how my mom felt at each stage when my sisters and I were growing up. Thanks for reminding me that I should just ask her more often! Thanks to your mom, as well! Beautiful!

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  12. dawn says…
    05/27/2010

    This is about your previous post on peeking into Simon's room. Laura Vegas just put up a post yesterday on how fast the time goes, it shows her daughter's 1st day of school for the last 8 years and it is so precious. She really did a good job finding them all and getting them in order. Go take a peek she's over at the CK blog...

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  13. tara pakosta says…
    05/27/2010

    Ali, Your parents seem like wonderful people!
    You are so very blessed! How awesome to have such
    great people to help you through your life!!!
    this is great to have her answers to those questions!
    tara

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  14. Jennifer S. says…
    05/27/2010

    Wonderful post today. I need the reminder to be positive. I love the "we all can choose our attitude" I always try to be positive, but I can do better with my children.
    Thanks for the reminder!

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  15. Kay Gregory-Clark says…
    05/27/2010

    Ali, I am so glad you are doing this (sharing memories with your mom and preserving them) and I am SO envious. My mom died when I was still a very busy young mother, working full time outside the home, and frazzled. Mom and Daddy also lived many, many miles away and we didn't get much chance to share leisurely conversations and visit often. There was no such thing as a cell phone with "unlimited minutes" and long-distance phone calls were expensive! In recent years I've longed for that kind of interaction with her, to share her memories, to ask her questions, to compare, to receive her advice. What I do have are the values that were deeply instilled, like you, and that I hopefully passed along to my son. It's nice to see him and his wife now attempting to do that with their own daughters. And Ali, thank you for sharing this with us!

    Reply 0 Replies
  16. Joy Buss says…
    05/27/2010

    I loved that post in April and I love this follow up post! There is so much I want to remember to write down of my memories, but I would love to get my Mom's perspective of her memories. You always inspire me Ali, to stop and document life! Thank you!!!

    Reply 0 Replies
  17. Jenell says…
    05/27/2010

    Ali - this post is just a reminder to all of us to document those stories and daily events. I wish I could ask my mom those questions, but she's not here for me to be able to ask. This post tells me that I need to document for my daughter, who is a new mom. Thank you!

    Reply 0 Replies
  18. francesca di leo says…
    05/27/2010

    todays post is just beautiful. this is why i'm documentin my parents life. my dad has passed but my mother is still here and i need to hear her-story and tell her-story. Last week I made a blog post on this very topic, http://francescadileo.blogspot.com/2010/05/days-gone-by.html and I posted some pics of my parents, and asked how to start. How do I begin to tell the story? It just seems like such a daunting process. I want to do the 'story' justice. Any advice?
    francesca

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  19. Esther says…
    05/27/2010

    This is wonderful!

    Reply 0 Replies
  20. Ruth says…
    05/27/2010

    You had a limited edition stamp set that had the words "life, wonderful, amazing as well as some others that was given away at a Studio Calico reveal. I was wondering if this stamp will ever be available for sale? I absolutely covet it and would love to get my hands on a set!!!

    Reply 0 Replies
  21. Melanie says…
    05/27/2010

    This is a beautiful post! Your mom is as great as you are!

    Reply 0 Replies
  22. Heidi A. says…
    05/27/2010

    Ali,
    Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou! You have inspired me to put some questions out to my own good mom. What a neat lady you have for a mother! Thanks for sharing her with all of us.

    Reply 0 Replies
  23. Jana says…
    05/27/2010

    WOW! Very powerful...makes tears come to my eyes just reading it. Thanks for sharing.

    Reply 0 Replies
  24. Caitlin M says…
    05/27/2010

    Thank you so much for this post today. I definitely needed this after a crazy day with kids. It brought tears to my eyes. I am constantly inspired by your blog, thank you Ali.

    Reply 0 Replies
  25. Shelly k says…
    05/28/2010

    AWESOME!!! Thanks for sharing.

    Reply 0 Replies

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