What Is Real Right Now
WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW Simon began the 4th grade last week. The start of school has traditionally been a challenge for him as he navigates a new classroom, new teachers, new structures and a return to old routines here at home but so far he's been doing great. Definitely a bit sleepy this morning as we all adjust to waking up earlier.
WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW is that Simon is doing just awesome: riding his bike, reaching out to other kids, being more comfortable in new situations, reading books with joy and excitement. It's so amazing how much he loves to read if it's something he's really interested in - which really is not all that amazing when I remember that my favorite things to read are things I'm really into and excited about. We just need to find more of things for him. A couple Tuesdays ago he read a Shrek book to me for 2 hours while I was working.
WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW is that fall is on it's way. I could feel it last night coming in through the half-open windows. I saw it yesterday in a few leaves that are beginning to change colors and drop to the street. I saw it again early this morning when waking to complete darkness.
WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW is that Chris and I are having a challenging time. There are many things we are great at together and yet many areas in which we struggle to connect. I want you to know that life is real here - just as it is in your home and your life - and there's good and bad and easy days and hard ones and this happens to be a time in my life that is really hard. I'd totally take your prayers, your positive energy, your wishes of strength and peace, and your compassion. Things are changing here and I'm hoping to face this next chapter of my story with grace and an open heart.
WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW is that Anna is two. She's more two than I think Simon ever was - she's got opinions and the language skills to back them up. She's also much more of a boundary tester than Simon. She loves to jump on the couch and asks "Why Mom?" as a response to just about everything. She started a daily Montessori preschool last week and seems to be adjusting just fine. Chris and I dropped her off this morning and she was so happy to show him her school and have him meet her teacher and see her classroom. She's really pretty darn amazing and I'm so happy she's a part of my life.
WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW is that I finished both The Help and Little Bee last month. Loved them both. I asked for suggestions via Facebook and Twitter last week and started Cutting For Stone last night. Hoping to go see The Help this weekend.
WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW is that this post from my friend Jen Lemen is super inspiring: How To Be Dangerous.
WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW are these words: This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; in its place is something that you have left behind...let it be something good. Author Unknown.
'...troubles they may come and go
but goodtimes be the gold
so if the road gets rocky girl
just steady as we go
shine shine, shine on me...'
Steady As We Go ~ Dave Matthews Band
Listened to this song a million times while going through a rough spot with my husband, so thought I would share. Thanks YOU for sharing. Thank you for being so real to us, your fans.
Steady as you go - SHINE! xoxo
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You are in my thoughts Ali! Life certainly is messy....but its worth it! All the best!
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Oh, Ali. You are so brave and an inspiration in so many ways. Best, best wishes to you and your family. Love.
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[...] Let it be something good. var addthis_product = 'wpp-261'; var addthis_config = {"data_track_clickback":true};While reading some of my favorite blogs the other day, I stumbled upon this beautiful and wonderful quote that Ali had on her blog HERE. [...]
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Thank you so much for sharing your life with us. I'm sending lots of thoughts, prayers and love!
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Kids, work, life put strain on a marriage, special need kids just add another layer of complexity. No one is able to do everything, even with help.
As others have said, I hope that you and Chris are able to get together and talk (Wookie & I found a counsellor/someone outside helpful at times, not helpful at others) remembering that there were connections and that they can be nurtured again with work from both sides. We've come out of it stronger, more able to find ways to connect - book club using Five Love Languages, making sure we do dates even if it's just sitting in the garden admiring the moon or going for a walk.
One of the most useful things to me was right at the beginning of our marriage during the clearness meetings to allow us to get married someone suggested this exercise: to write down a job description for yourself and the other and then share it in a loving manner. Agree what things you NEED and what things make you happy, remembering that those things will change but returning to that idea of mutual support has kept us together for the last quarter of a century.
I'll be holding you all in the light.
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Ali, my mother told me that ".. marriage was the hardest job I'd ever take on and it was also the most rewarding." Then she later told me the same thing about children. I am 52 , married at 30 and have been married for 22 years this year, mostly happily, but there have been some dips in the road. As a Christian, I truly believe the "'til death us do part." And coming from there, you ask yourself: do you want to be happy or unhappy in your marriage, because for us, there is no third choice. Having young children, can be a tough stretch and more so for the mom who feels pulled. I tell my younger friends, to think about not working full-time, because, man, the time just blows by! Families need a center. Moms need time for themselves, but men and children need period. Women need other women - mothers, sisters, friends, cousins. Having time to connect with other women in your life stage with similarly aged children is very therapeutic. We tried, with help, for 4 1/2 years to have a child and God heard our prayers and my son is now 16 and will be getting his driver's license in a month. I a have been home for the last 15 years, except for part-time work of no more than 2 or 3 full days a week and they were at his elementary school. Thw women's movement told a lie when they said we could have it all. Because the truth is you have it all , just not all at the same time. Wow, sorry I'm down off my soapbox now. You are in my prayers tonight.
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Ali my prayers are with you. May you find the srength in these difficult time. Thanking you for sharing something so personal and intimate about your life.
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marriage is full of ups and downs. I just hope your down time is fast and that soon you and Chris will be climbing back up that hill together. (HUGS)
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Ali,
I only get to my blog reading on the week-end so I'm only now reading this post, and my heart is breaking for you and your family. I hope and pray that you can all weather the storm and come out stronger after the chaos subsides. Whatever the outcome, know that you have an enormous amount of support out here and are wished nothing but happiness and everything good. You have been such an inspiration to me over the years and are one of my favorite peope that I dont know (although it feels like I know you well). Keeping you in prayer and sending a huge cyber hug your way. Pamper yourself this week-end - you so deserve it - treat yourself to a cute pair of fall shoes or something - it wont fix anything but it might draw a smile. Hang in there Ali - one day at a time. XOXOXO Linda B
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thinking of you, and hoping that the challenges you face make you stronger, individually and together
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Thank you for sharing everything that is "real" in your life right now. Someone once told me, "Marriage is work." That is so true in so many ways but I am finding that it's the hardest job to be both a wife and a working mother. Sending positive vibes to you and Chris.
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Marriage is awesome but not easy and certainly worth the effort. God's blessings to you and Chris Ali as you work together to form a yet stronger union. Remember thru God all things are possible...
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Ali, you are so very brave to be putting so much out there. I hope you could feel the love and support that has come forth for you. I am 62 and have been married 42 years and have 3 children and 8 grandchildren. I do not need to tell you that it has not been easy. It has been real raw life. It has had so many joyous moments I could have burst. You are in my thoughts.
Thank you so much for the quote at the end.
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Thank you for sharing "real life". It sometimes is messy :( you'll be in my thoughts and prayers. Loads of love- Kate
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Ali~
After 20 years of marriage, all of a sudden we are not connecting like we used to. I have not opened up to any of my friends or family about this. I am too worried about being judged or letting others know how I feel. and I feel weak and defeated.
Thank you for your honesty. I wish I could follow in your footsteps.
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I appreciate your being real. SO often all we find on the interweb are glossy, picture perfect lives and that is not reality. Sometimes life is hard. Being mother, wife, etc.. can be very difficult, but we must persevere.
Praying for you and yours!
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praying for you very intently. DH and I are celebrating 25 years this fall and I have to say that being married is the hardest thing I've ever done. The best advice we ever received was to "with your first love - do the things you did in the beginning" - it actually comes from the book of Revelations in the Bible. So when we hit a stuck spot - we do the things we did in the beginning...long walks, listening intently to each others hopes and dreams. We also made lists of why we wanted to marry the other person and it's been helpful to go back to that list and realize that in spite of all the changes, he is still the same person, at his core, that I chose so many many years ago. Blessings to you...
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You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Most days I have to remember...one breath at a time, one moment at a time, one day at a time. You have inspired me for years and in my saddest times I always have had your blog to bring light to my day and a smile to my soul. God Bless you and keep you, Ali.
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Some days, weeks and months are just hard. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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I really feel for you Ali and wish you all the best for the future whatever it may bring for you and your family. Hugs!
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[...] included journaling from my What Is Real Right Now post as an insert. I also added a really lovely letterpress printed wedding invitation for my [...]
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Ali - I'm just getting caught up on blog reading and I wanted to express my care and concern for your sweet family. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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It is so hard to have grace in difficult times. My immediate reaction is to react....I love your approach. Hope everything works out with your adorable family.
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Ali - thanks for showing us what's real - memory keeping is just not about smiles and giggles. Sometimes it's just documenting the journey along the way, including the bumps and hills that we all struggle to climb. I admire your bravery, your dedication to family, your ability to inspire. Please know that our prayers and good thoughts will be with you as you try and navigate the rough seas of life.
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