The Evolution Of My Story
It's always been my goal to authentically share my story both in my scrapbooks and in this online space.
To me that means addressing the good, the bad, the beautiful, the successes, the challenges - the very real pieces of my life.
As many of you have noticed, and some have commented and emailed, Chris has been mostly absent for some time from the stories and photos. He has decided that he wants something different with his life and we are in the process of getting a divorce.
Chris continues to maintain an active role in the kid's lives.
There is nothing easy about this.
It's very hard and very stressful and very sad.
And yet, the story continues for all of us. For him and me. For the kids and me. For him and the kids. And there are many, many things I have to be thankful for in my life.
I've always maintained, and taught in my workshops, that not all stories need to be told.
But here, in this space, it's important to me that there's a general awareness of this change. This will allow me to more authentically share my story going forward.
A few months ago I asked for your prayers, your positive energy, your wishes of strength and peace, and your compassion. I'd humbly ask for your continued kindness as this specific chapter closes and new ones begin.
As you consider leaving a comment I would also humbly ask that you focus on something positive, compassionate and/or uplifting. Our heartfelt intent is to maintain a positive relationship as we move forward in our lives.
Wishing all of you, especially any of you who may be experiencing something similar within your own family, peace during the Christmas season.
Dear Ali, you are in my thoughts and prayers across the miles and oceans. You are an inspiration on how to live, thank you and take care!
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ali, i've been a faithful reader for many years but i don't typically comment. i am catching up from being offline since before christmas. 860 comments is remarkable - and to see the lives you touched take a moment to encourage you is precious.
i am so sorry to hear this and i'm sure it wasn't easy to write b/c so much cannot be written. i'm just one more person here who is broken hearted for all of you and nothing is too big for God to make good.
He loves you and your family. press into Him.
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Just sending you all some belated hugs and happy thoughts
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First off, it makes me sad to know you all are going through this.
Second, it is nice to see how positive you are with everything.
You and your whole familly are in my thoughts and prayers! Remember to always take care of yourself as then you are able to care for those specials in your life.
Wishing you a blessed New Year, full of all the very best life has to offer :)
Peace Ali and thank you for all that you share with us
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I have thought of you often since you had mentioned something about this in September and have been praying for you and your fmaily. I think your word you picked for next year and the quote from the movie it comes from, is perfect and inspiring for anyone going through difficulties in their lives. I so agree when you say that nothing about this is easy. My parents divorced when I was 11, and as others have said, the best thing for your children is to keep a positive relationship with their father, and never speak unkindly of him and hope he does the same. I once heard Dr. Phil say that any criticism of an ex-spouse is a criticism of your children as they are made up of half your ex-es DNA. I thought that summed up exactly how I felt growing up. It is something I wish my parents had heard 25 years ago. Many prayers to all of you going forward. I know you will move into this next chapter of your life with grace and courage!
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While my story is different, I can tell you that I have enjoyed rediscovering myself and the woman I am. REDISCOVER was my one little word several years ago as I prepared for this journey alone. The next year's word was JUMP. And then MOUNTAIN. This year's is READY. I am ready to live, love, laugh, learn and climb another mountain. There are ups and downs, but the journey has been worth it.
Best of luck to you in this new chapter. Take time to embrace it, even at its roughest and darkest moments. Remember there are shoulders and ears and arms around you to help you through those moments. You won't just be stronger, but better. I promise.
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oh how my heart hurts for you! i am so sorry to hear this! i know the pain you are going through. we (my daughter and i) are two and a half years out from it and i can tell you that it does get easier...believe it or not...and there really is something wonderful awaiting you and those babies that you can't even dream of right now! sending so much love and support and prayer your way, girl! please be kind and gentle with yourself during this time...i've come to understand that is one of the best gifts i can give my daughter is love for myself...does that make sense? i hope so! thinking of you...
~amy
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Reading your post tonight made me shed a tear for your family and mine... I am also going through a divorce and not having my child with me for the past 10 days while she's on holiday with her dad is unbelievably hard... We are not perfect and we have to look "up" and move forward... Thanks for sharing your life with us. Hugs, Ant
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My thoughts are with you- especially since I am going through the same thing- since July when my husband of 13 years left. We too are keeping it positive for the kids. We are 2 professionals- and we want what is best for them given that my husband wants something other than our family. You are exactly right- there is nothing easy about it... everyone keeps telling me that I've got the best divorce they've ever seen- at one point that made me want to vomit or punch someone- but deep down- as hard as it is on me sometimes- I understand that's how it has to be for the kids. You CAN do it- and there are things that are a little better- free time- for me a relationship with God that I did not have before.. everything happens for a reason... I like your word: "up"... I'm still thinking of mine.. but 2012 will be better for both of us. Thoughts & prayers coming your way. xoxo Linda
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I'm heartbroken for you as I read this, Ali. It takes a very brave person to accept that life isn't full of white picket fences and perfect lives and have the strength to move on from it whilst trying to appear undamaged in front of the children. I admire you greatly for opening up to us and letting us into this devastating and heartbreaking time of your life. Please know that we are the chain link fence along the path you walk along, we are your shadow in the sunshine and your shelter in the rain. We are you biggest champions. You have made such a difference in our world. You are not alone.
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You are loved and admired by so many of us. Please know that we are sending thousands of good thoughts your way.
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Blessings to you and your family that you may have a year filled with peace and joy. Please know that your friends and family are there to support you.
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Marriage is forever. And sometimes that looks like the husband lives one place and the wife another. I think it so important to remember that whatever way a couple works out their marriage (including divorce), they have a permanent connection. Doubly so if they share children. And I know how sad it can be when the solution isn't what you expected when you walked down the aisle. I say celebrate all the good that was and will be. Everyone will be blessed.
Supportively,
~Marilee
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going thru the same thing myself. you can read about it on my blog. we tried to keep it friendly and good, for the sake of our son. it's getting harder to do that however. divorce brings out the worst in people, no matter how hard you try. i wish you the best and i will pray for you every day.
thanks for sharing! :)
btw, i'm not sure how far into it you are. my first year of separation was the worst. that was the summer of 2010. the fall of 2011 i finally knew in my heart i would be OK.... and you will be ok too....
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Ali, I know that the shameless bullies over at The Smack Center have a great deal of delight and titillation speculating on your marital status I want you to know that there are many mature women out here who feel for you and hope you and the kids come out of this a healthy, happy, family. It cannot be easy to live your life in the public and then have to discuss the not so pretty parts of life but you have written this post with great poise and I am proud of you.
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PS ... Ali, your post really moved me... and I've been praying for you. If you want, feel free to email me. I am here for you. I know it's hard. I can tell you this, it is thee hardest thing I've ever ever had to do. With children, it's just not fun or freeing. Stay close to what brings you joy and peace, and know there will be a day you will be able to look back and be glad you got thru it. You will be stronger for it. It doesn't feel that way now perhaps. But today, nothing, not anything hurts as bad as I have hurt during this, and nothing has the power to rock me anymore.
The holidays are difficult. This is not an easy one for me, and it's my second one as a separated woman. We will be getting divorced in the new year. I don't look forward to what lies ahead, but I know my God will not let me fall on my face, no matter what hurdles I have to overcome.
You will be better, stronger and wiser when this is over. Hang in there and email me if you need to. I think you have it per your form.
Hugs, andrea
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Ali -
Over the weekend I thought of you. Completely random. I hadn't had a chance to check out your blog in a few weeks due to just life, not even holidays, getting in the way. I had wondered how Chris and you were doing.
You are so brave and kind to share this with all in blog-land. This is your story and the fact that you choose to share it makes me very humble.
May the Light illuminate your path in this new year. Many hugs and good wishes for the kids, Chris and you. - Lourdes
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You are SO right when you say there is nothing easy about divorce. But as you continue to display grace and strength in the face of this life-changing time, I know that you will embrace all the wonderful, sad, messy, and never boring aspects of each day. And in that process, that you so generously share with us, you will continue to "choose to live in joy."
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Ali -
Thank you for sharing your story. We met a few years ago when you, Chris and Simon came to the North Eugene Health Center. I was keeping Simon entertained while you were speaking with the nurses.
I have always been an admirer of your work - you are incredibly talented and inspiring.
I recently went through what you are going through and my prayers are with you and your entire family. It is not an easy journey, but it is one that is filled with promise and growth, and with that we become better human beings, in whatever that means to each of us as individuals.
I remember that in order to protect my children from seeing me fall apart, I would take a drive when I felt like I was going to have an emotional breakdown, and I would find whatever parking lot that was close and I would park there by myself and sob, until it was out of my system. This went on for months, and now parking lots have a greater meaning to me.
Being alone was painful, but it also allowed me to discover my greatest strength that was hidden deep within and through that came great courage.
I wish you an immense amount of peace.
Tina Guerrero
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I am so sorry to read this, Ali. May you find peace and calm in the chaos that divorce brings.
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I share your sorrow and pain and at the same time share the sentiment that it is possible to focus on the positives in the midst of personal heartache.
I commented on your blog a few months ago saying I could not pick up my camera. I wrote that I did not want to have pics reminding me of a terrible chapter in my life. Fast forward - I just spent my first Christmas with my children visiting their father during the day and arriving at my home for dinner. I dreaded that day beforehand with all that it meant for it came with a realisation of the present situation and a sign of the future without the one person I thought would be with me forever. However, it was a turning point. I fully enjoyed the 'peace' of Christmas without the pressure of getting dinner on the table at a reasonable hour (before 3pm!) and without the children asking constantly - 'can we open presents now?' . I now look forward to 2012 because with it brings new challenges, new discoveries, and the knowledge that the horror of 2011 is behind me.
Each of our stories are unique and ours to share or not to share. I believe, with all my heart, that the sorrows of life are to be treasured along with the joys. They each contain something to help us move forward with our life and the choice we have is how we allow those experiences to shape us. Ali, may you find some peace in the midst of turmoil and may you find your own turning point when you realise that even in the sadness there is a treasure just waiting to be discovered.
I could not have written, nor understood those words a few months ago. I am so thankful that I do now.
Every blessing to you and your beautiful family for 2012.
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I am sending you cheerful thoughts & positive vibes! I have two things to say.
1)You very eloquently shared this delicate information with tremendous grace & poise that is to be admired! Life is dictated by balance and for the bad there is good and visa versa, I applaud and appreciate your willingness to let us share in this time of your life.
2) Thankfully, Our paths have crossed in the past. I used to work as an event coordinator for CKU and the week of CKU-Provo my divorce was finalized. While I knew it was for the best I was in a fragile state while trying to remain positive in my surroundings. My sister Sarah mentioned to you what was going on in my life and you would hug me and be happy & encouraging every time you saw me and while I’m sure the kindness & hope you gave me hasn’t crossed your mind since YOU made a positive difference in my life. Simply by being a kind hearted human being.
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I'll be praying for all of you. Your choice of a positive relationship is to be admired. Thanks for your openness and honesty with all of us.
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I have just been throught this.. this last year. And I would love to say it gets easier... it sometimes doesn't. getting through and being there for your kids..enjoying the moment....that is the most important. Prayers for your family.
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Wishing you the very best for you and your family. Thank you for inspiring us and I hope you find some inspiration in us too!
Go forward!!! There is your light in going forward.
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