Yesterday, after a particularly challenging few mornings and afternoons, Simon and I had a little meeting to make a responsibility chart. As I got to some of his afternoon responsibilities he said, "May I have the pen?" I handed it over and he wrote his current favorite sentiment: "No School."
Meaning he would like to do anything other than go to school.
"No School's" best friend is "But I'm Tired."
Sometimes they pal around with "I Don't Care," "NO," or the occasional random friend "Journey To The Soul" (a long story involving Shrek The Third and what Simon originally thought was "Jeremy The Soil".
Each are said in the loveliest of whining voices with a pinch of tears every now and then thrown in for good measure.
Just about two years ago (almost to the day I realized when I went looking for the link) I posted a quick letter to Mr. Morning Challenge – letting him know that it was time for him to move on. Maybe there is something about this week in October that is just perfect for grouchiness in the morning. Right now we are having the distinct pleasure of an afternoon challenge as well.
According to his teachers his behavior at school has been good. They don't seem to be hearing as many "No" responses.
At home though, it's been a challenge.
My Mom has been staying with us the last few days and came to Simon's 2nd Grade Open House. Always fun to see the classroom – check out his desk, chat with his main teacher, see what parts he is excited about right now.
For all the "No School" talk in both the mornings and the afternoons there are lots of things he seems to be enjoying: running at recess with some other kids, playing with a chess board (not really playing right now but having fun putting all the pieces on the board and playing wizard chess), getting really good at math, and being the door holder (next best thing to being "line leader").
And as we were driving home from the swimming pool last night and as I said the prayer with him as he went to bed one of my favorite everyday life quotes from Mary Jean Iron kept going through my head:
Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.
It is such an amazing life perspective that treasure of a normal day.
So today, I am expressing gratitude for these normal days.
![Two Peas](http://www.avantlink.com/gbi/10513/24901/21775/26723/image.jpg"width="120"height="240"style="border:0px;"alt=)
I feel so much better. I couldn’t understand why some days when I walk Logan (6) home he was actually scowling! Getting that beautiful boy out of the house, or homework (hands washed, etc.) in the aft. has me fighting tears some days! I have 3 in 3 diff. buildings, also, and two in soccer. Thanks for a great post, glad I’m not alone
Thanks for the head check! I have been embroiled for the last couple of days in trying to get my teenage daughter’s academic life back on track, as she is going under in a couple of classes. It’s been a horrible struggle, we’ve all been very stressed out, and the light at the end of the tunnel seems to be a mere pinprick.
But then you went and pulled out that quote! Dang, I mean, when you’re right, you’re right. There could easily come a day when worrying about whether she has a D in history would seem like a gift. I’m sure when my sister had a stroke at age 21 and lay in a coma for 6 months, my own mom was digging in and wishing she could turn back the clock to that last normal day!
Really, thanks for this!
That quote means more to me than you can imagine. Thank you for sharing it. It will be a daily read for me.
We tend to have a rough patch after the start of school. I call it the “end of the honeymoon” each school year. I agree with some earlier posters also – home is a safe place, a place to let it all hang out (so to speak!) I am often amused to hear about how great my kid is at school!
Good luck! When in doubt I repeat: “This too shall pass.”
oh my lord. I absolutely LOVE that prayer and it comes at a perfect time because I just picked up some paper yesterday to start a little “everyday blessings” album. THANKS Ali!!
Oh yes, I forgot to add the “can you take my temperature?”
Ali…what Simon is going though is SO very normal!! I taught Kindergarten for 17 years and I can tell you from experience that kids seem to always save their “best” behavior for school and their whiny, complaining times for their parents!! Just stay positive and this too shall pass!! :0) Kids take their cues from how their parents respond to things–you are right on track!! :0) Judy
Amen.
Man am I glad to see that your normal. I have put you on a pedestal (which is well deserved) but it makes me feel better to know you have bad weeks with your kids as well.
It WILL get better!
Thank you for the quote. I adore it.
You have such a beautiful way of writing, Ali. We have a similar checklist at our house, and we color code it like a traffic light.
Green = Great
Yellow = didn’t have to do it today
Red = Did not do it.
Hope it helps.
Oh man – I am so so so so so normal
.
thank you for that sweet reminder. here in our neck of the woods we have had some challenging nights and days too. thank you for putting it all into perspective. this too shall pass, and it is foolish to wait for perfect days.
Love, love, love the quote. We always have so much to learn. My son is a little older, but has always been the same way. I thinks it takes a lot of energy for him to behave for so long. We have to have a “Quit picking on Mom” chat once in a while. It seems to help him to realize what he is doing and think about what will help the situation. Hey, we are all on the same side!
Signed, Mom seeking normal days.
Hello, Ali. Thanks for the post and perspective, as well as the comments from your readers.
We have a 7-year-old with ADHD, and I recognize Mr. Morning Challenge. Both my boys (I have a 3-year-old too), have been having some problems lately with agression and grumpiness about school, and we have all been sick to top it off. I have learned that the third and fourth week of school are not only when the honeymoon is over (if there has been one), but also when the new germs the boys have encountered bloom out. =P
We try to reinforce the positive. We have some lists of responsibilites, and beyond that we use rewards for time at favorite activities when the boys go out of their way to do good stuff. When things get _very_ bad (the little one bites his brother for no reason, the big ones hits and kicks at school), we “ground” them. No video games, TV or computer time for x days. They can still earn time, and we never take away the time they’ve earned, but they can’t spend it when they are grounded (also sometimes referred to as being in the dog house).
Yesterday, though, I pretty much hit my limit. My husband says I am like a bridge; I seem to be doing fine right up until the point where I am not (picture the span of my composure snapping and everything suddenly going very loud, cold and wet), so I decided I needed some reminders to encourage my own good behavior too. The poem was timely, because I have decided is to make a note every evening of something good about my day, something good about each of my boys, something good about my husband and something good about myself as a reminder of how much in our life IS good. I want to also be sure to share those positive things with each of them as well.
It is SO easy to get overwhelmed by what is bad and gripe about what isn’t working. It is much more important to focus on what is positive and let go the things that wreck your attitude and sleep as much as you can.
Easier said than done, but thanks, _sincerely_ for the reinforcing post. I will keep working on it and be glad that there are som terrific examples of grace under pressure out there for me to follow.
Good luck with your own positivity campaign. =]
Amen Ali! I couldn’t have said it better. I’m dealing with a defiant 7 year old who thinks he knows everything. Thank God for normal days…they truly are missed when they leave.
LOVE LOVE LOVE the quote! Thanks for sharing it… and your Simon sounds a lot like my little boy after school!
Love this post–your voice and that quote at the end. I’m feeling a scrapbook page coming on. . .
Thank you.
Hey my responsibility chart looks like yours (at least the video games) I think by October the newness of the new year wears off, it’s getting colder, and it’s dark outside longer. And by now they are really down to business in the classroom.
I have my son earn his video game time, by doing chores, each chore earns 15 minutes of play time. And only 1 hr of playing at a time.
And he loses the playing time if he does something he knows he’s not supposed to do.
Good luck with the rest of the year. And thanks for sharing.
Thank you for the quote.
i needed it today.
I have read your blog for several years now and really like it. I had not check blogs for a few days and am doing so today. Today i have been having a really rough one can’t seem to turn off the tears. The past few months have been very hard since the loss of my Dad a couple of months ago. Any way your life verse spoke volumes to me and I want to thank you for sharing. We never know just when something we post is going to be something that someone else needs also.
You posted this quote last fall (at least I think it was you) at the most perfect time. We’d weathered (no pun intended) Hurricane Ike. Electricity was back on. Everyone was back in his/her own home. The lawn debris, while still in a pile in front of the house, was at least picked up. And school had started again after being closed for 2 and a half weeks. And I came across this quote on your site and said my own prayer of gratitude for a life that had returned to everyday norma.
Thanks for your always inspiring blog.
I need to hand write (= own it) that quote and post it to my morning mirror. I’ve read it before, but need to bring it into my life.
Thanks, Ali.
PS this morning I offered McD’s drive-through to anyone who was dressed and down in 15 minutes. Can’t sustain that, but good in a pinch.
Yes, we’re experiencing the same thing at our house right now, too. It started out as Mr. Morning Challenge with whining and complaining about wanting to go to school. But in the past two weeks it have spiraled down hard into fear, anxiety and angst. It’s breaking my heart as I have to peel my crying, hysterical 7 year old off of me every day when I leave the classroom. Yesterday, a friend of mine who works for the National Center for Learning Disabilities recommended a book called “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child” by John Mordechai Gottman and Joan Declaire. I ordered it today from Amazon and hope that it has some wonderful words of wisdom and suggestions for helping, we his parents, help him overcome this developmental stage he’s going through. From one frustrated mom to another, I wish you good luck in helping Simon through this stage as well.
Ali, you are not alone in this. I have three boys, all in school (2 in middle, 1 in elementary) and two of them have after school sports. I truly believe it boils down to getting back in the schedule again. I read somewhere it takes 21 days to adjust to a new routine. Hopefully for you, me and everyone else out there the smooth sailing will return.
That’s such a great quote… thanks for the reminder. My 3-year-old has also been a bit challenging lately and there are days when I wish she would just grow up. But then I realize I really am NOT ready for that to happen too quickly. Thanks so much for sharing…
THANK YOU for the prayer. . .just saying. . .
Love that remarkable life quote. I will hold it near. Thanks for sharing.
this post really resonates with a lot of us, doesn’t it?!? you captured it so well with your writing, too – so well done:)
i was wondering – have you asked simon what is bothering him? i know that sounds so silly and basic, but i have found it’s often overlooked, especially when the child has special needs…adults tend to talk it over with each other as parents, teachers rather than asking the child if he knows what’s wrong. kids have more insight into things than we sometimes give them credit for:) and of course, with children, things show up in their behavior since they don’t yet have the ability to identify and express their feelings, concerns. another thing – even just developmentally, they are changing and needing to master different things. i have always found it really helpful to review the typical developmental tasks for each age when i’ve faced challenges with my two sons. can you tell that i have two sons (7 and 11) with anxiety disorders, both of whom were diagnosed in second grade?!? i’m sorry – i don’t mean to write a book – just give you some potentially helpful tips that i’ve learned:)
and having written all that – i’m fully aware it might be as simple as time of year, fatigue, etc:) i hope so!
mary:)
Blessings on your all for living the ordinary, not perfect, normal days and seeing the grace that’s there. It’s not always easy especially when we want more from a person than they are able or willing to give. It’s hard to know whether it’s a can’t or won’t eiher. But, bottom line is that it is what it is and as I learned when I was in my 40s, a day above ground is a good day and has promise.
Hang in there Mama-Ali!
i think the newness of school wears off much to early!
Beautiful post! Thank you for the reminder to appreciate the typical, everday happenings.
Great post. One of the joys of your site and others is that sense of not being alone in these struggles. Thanks!
Although my daughter is just 2 years old, I can really feel for you. Some weeks ago her only answer to any question was “No” now it’s “But I …” Little children, little worries
Thank you for sharing this wonderful quote … I’ve got tears in my eyes, because it’s sooo true…I will hold this in my heart.
Not only did I love reading your post (as it seems to be my world right now too), it’s nice to see all the others are in the same boat.
I guess the darker mornings and life is “normal” again in October, the protest begins.
so very glad to have read that quote at the end….we’ve had a very challenge 10 days with “daddy” away on business…..really though, what glorious and wonderful times the “every day” is!
xoxo
Thank you, Ali, for a wonderful post. My 8 yr old son, who is diagnosed with PDD-NOS, also experiences these moments especially around March and April. I have learned to take it all in stride since his neurodevelopmental pediatrician tells me that it is normal. School is hard especially the unstructured times – lunch and recess. But despite the challenges, he still goes to school each day, is one who follows all the rules, is friendly to all but friend to none. And I find that when I push him, that’s when he loses it. So, I’ve backed off and let him go with the flow.
We have gone into “radio silence” afterschool Mon-Thurs (no tv, computer, video) and it has been lovely. Before it was cranky chaos. Now it’s shalom in the home.
I had similar stuff going on with my middle boy/beastie last year. He was in Grade 1 and he didn’t like being at school so much. Once in a while I would give him an out and we’d do something together and finish his school work later. Those were special days and his teacher was very supportive. I wrote about one here…http://snickerdoodles.typepad.com/snickerdoodle_life/2008/11/wookie-day.html
Good luck, love your blog.
k
That would make a great stamp set: After School / When We Get Home / etc. – Free Time / Snack / No TV, etc. / Homework / Brush Teeth / etc.
Now there’s a stamp set I’d use every day!
Ali…thanks again for being real and sharing authentic glimpses into your life. It helps to remind me that I’m normal…and our morning struggles and fun attitudes and phrases are not specific to my house only.
thank you for posting all your thoughts. i am the mother of a 4.5 yoa bipolar son. so we often have difficult days. today is one of those. your thoughts have lifted my spirits. thank you again, especially for the prayer….that’s something i must continually remind myself to do….cherish the now.
I really think that has been adding to the attitude and behavior Melanie. Bring on the shalom.
My 15 year old sophomore has Asperger’s Syndrome. Big hugs your way. I know how amazing a ‘normal’ feeling day can be! It surely is exhausting to have a child on the spectrum. Hugs to you and your DH, as well as Simon and Anna.
Thanks for sharing the prayer/thought. I need that reminder too! We have this usual crankiness this time of year as well (and we home learn, so it isn’t about school)….. I always chalk it up to dreary days or less daylight from time changes, or *whatever* I need to chalk it up to so I can simply cope until it passes. And, thankfully, it always does. Hang in there!
This quote is beautiful! It made me think of the play Our Town; on those hard days (esp. when all 3 kids have been challenging)I sometimes picture the scene where Emily says “Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it? Every, every minute?” I don’t know Emily, but I’m trying, I really, really am!!
Wow! I agree. I love that quote and can totally relate. Not too long ago on my blog I wrote about needing to remember days when my child did exactly what he needed. “I need to remember days like today.”
On your blog on another day you wrote of the dinner time struggle. At the same time we were having hour long dinners and I repeated over and over, “Sit your bottom down!.”
Thanks for your blog. I check it every day and love all the variety you offer.
I needed to hear your thoughts today so much. We are in the same organizational transition with our son and the consequence of following through with what HE chooses or fails to choose (the first time) as well. Our days have been quite challenging this school year and I was running out of emotional steam. Thank you for sharing “normal day”. You are a bit of sunshine each day! Whether you share a story, layout, company, technique, quote, etc. it is a change of reflection even if for only a few moments. I hope you know how much you bless the lives of so many. Thank you! Smiles!
To everything there is a season. For you, it’s October. For us, it’s April, when my teacher husband gets done with spring vacation, then realizes how much time is left before school is over. It makes him VERY cranky for awhile, but I hafta say: pointing the pattern out to him really helped, but maybe not so much with a little guy. (But maybe it will help you to remember that it went away once; it will again.) One more thing: on the really ‘bad’ days, we switched. I ‘did’ their home work, but they HAD to help.
(reverse-reverse psychology–something about me holding the pencil that made it all better for them.)
Hi Ali,
I love normal days too.
Anthea
Hi Ali,
I say that prayer often. When things feel hectic and out of control I stop and take time to say a prayer of thanks for the “normal day,” and I think of at least one thing that I am thankful for at that minute. (The “normal day” is often the thing I am thankful for.)
I’m also thankful for wonderful blogs like yours! It’s what I do in my “free time” after school! (I teach 4th grade) (and I look forward to it every day) – both teaching and reading your blog!