A great question...
came through my email this morning from Sherry:
I was thinking of a topic you maybe could address on your blog. HOW do you get to go do these amazing things? Conventions and trips and stores etc? You have a husband, you have a son...what happens to them as you go about doing what you need to do? I guess I'm thinking realistically about any other woman, aspiring to be a part of the scrapbooking world...what happens to life when your gone for that short bit. I'm not wanting details of your private life, but thinking more of... is that a dream even possible for a woman with 2-3 even 4 small children? How could she get away to be so creative and fun and get business done if she has little ones who need her? Do you just find ways to make things happen?...Finding those few hours to create is so hard as it is? How do you get yourself into other exciting things?
I hope you enjoy your trips and really know how blessed you are to have a piece of your life that is not only as a mother and a wife, but as your own person. It IS what every woman wants, I think. That thing that gives air to your spirit...
I am guessing that there are more of you out there wondering some of these same things. One of the first things to keep in mind is that my entire experience has been a process...of moving from one thing to another. Over time we, as a family, have adapted to the idea that my work would involve travel. One thing has added on to the next. First I started working more at home, this included the decision to have Simon attend school/day care. In many ways it worked out really well: he benefits from the interaction with other children and I am able to get work done without interrution. Travel for CK - to editorial meetings, trade shows, CKU's - and now travel for teaching at local scrapbook stores has gradually gotten more and more.
One of the things that I love about CK is that I know that I always have a choice. That they believe that family comes first. That has brought peace of mind to me on many occasions over the last year.
When I travel Simon either stays here with Chris or he stays with my parents on the coast. Here at home Simon attends a school/day care where he can stay until 5pm (if needed) during the times that I am gone. One of the benefits of my travel is that Simon has been able to spend time with my parents for more extended periods. He is getting to grow up with them as a constant in his life. I did not really have that sort of experience with my own grandparents. I feel really lucky that my parents are in a position to care for him - and they are often asking when he can come next.
Many choices have been made in our household. I never imagined that I would have a job that involved traveling, actually I never really anticipated working much at all after I became a Mom. Once I started getting more involved in scrapbooking I realized that I had really found a passion. That this was something that I really wanted in my life. That for me, I needed more...as you say Sherry, "giving air to my spirit."
For a variety of reasons, including my desire to continue working, we have decided that one child completes our family. At least for now. But, if you have more children does that mean that you couldn't be in a similar position, no way. It really all depends on your personal situation. What kind of supports do you have at home? How does your significant other feel about all of it (maybe you can make a deal with him/her). Do you have other family around that would help? I know of other women in our industry that have 2, 3, and more children, making it all work. I defintiely don't think it is easy (it is not easy with one child), but it is possible.
And you know what? I am still figuring it all out...all the time. Everyday poses new challenges, choices, etc. Is Chris always happy when I take off for four or five days? Nope. But I do know that he understands that I love what I do. That I find satisfaction for myself in what I do. That it makes me an all-around better wife and mother. And in return, I am supportive of him as he searches for and chases his own professional passion.
Simon needs me. And I am here for him. But I am also here for Chris. And I am here for me - in my case, sometimes being here for me means going away from home. But I always come back...
Things in life are always evolving. A time for everything... You never know what will come next, what will be presented to you, what mattered today may not matter tomorrow. Is this lifestyle for everyone? Nope. Is is possible, most definitely.
WOW-Well put Ali-and so cool to hear from your side how it all comes together. Great question.
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What I have gleaned so far in my three short years of marriage is this- in order to survive, we have to be a team; sharing one another's burdens and obligations, celebrating one another's passions and successes. What a testimony this post is to the team that you and Chris are. Thanks for sharing Ali.
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I love to read your thoughts on this as I struggle with the idea of becoming more and more involved in this industry. It often scares me to the point of backing away from opportunities etc. as I am just not sure I can handle leaving the kids or taking on the extra responsibility. I am looking at putting MJ into daycare in the fall so I can have more choices and not feel guilty when I choose to work at this hobby. I think it is about balance and having support at home. It is absolutely critical. You sound like you are very balanced with your life and choices Ali! Good for you.
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What a great blog entry! Thank you for sharing that great question, and your response . . . your words are always so inspiring to me. I am currently struggling to find balance in my life, the balance that that I many seek--especially the women I know. It's nice to hear how you are discovering it, and to be reminded that it is a conscious process. I work with college students trying to find a career path, and many times we discuss the various choices and options available. I try to remind them that our choices are necessarily linear options--if you do A, it will lead you to B, etc. Careers today don't follow the "upward mobility" concept that our parents and grandparents may have seen. I also remind them that everyone needs to find what they love to do, then pursue it. Even if there are constraints or options to choose from, if you follow your passion (with a plan), "things" can come together and work, even if, just as you said, it's just for the present time. I should direct my students to your blog! :)
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You always have such wise words, Ali, if not on your blog then in emails. I really value what you say and try to take on board what I can and adapt it to my own situation.
Keep on truckin'.
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I so know how this is Ali. Definitely a give and take. And having a dh that is involved is such a huge factor. My dh is too, and that is why I have no qualms when I do have to travel. It isn't always easy though. Kudos to you for making it work for you and your family!! I know it's tough, but it can be so rewarding and fulfilling at the same time.
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Love your new hair! Have a great trip.
Lashell
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Isn't mother guilt a bitch - LOL!!!! I found it very a strange concept that when I become a mum, that it is the MOTHER who must magically be tied to the house and child, and any persuit of self-interests (be it out of necessity like paid employment, or for creative outlet etc. like a hobby) is a selfish neglectful thing to do, whilst there is NO such stupid perception placed on MEN! Argh, it is so frustrating!
The MOST idiotic comment (and from more than a few different people) I have had when I have had to fly to Sydney frequently(ish) for a couple of days at a time for work (700kms away) is the insane sentence "is Geoff MINDING Ivy for you while you are away...". I look them square in the eye and say, "No actually, he is being HER FATHER and PARENTING her." The person either has a chuckle when they realise how ridiculous their comment was, or get huffy - but truth be know I couldn't care less about the huffy reaction as our family plan works for our family!
So for any mother who may be facing such a dilemma about finding time to persue your work or personal intrests - DON'T FEEL GUILTY. You did not check your own personality and life at the door to the Birthing room and leave it there after your lovely baby was placed in your arms. Like you said Ali, it is possible to do things and still have a rewarding family life. Just find what works for YOU and YOUR family!!
Cheers, Lee L. :)
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Always evolving...a great way to put it, Ali. We're doing the same thing, between our relocation to NJ (and the adjustment to smaller digs and new schools for the girls), my new job (and the travel involved) and Judi's possible transition to being a one-client businesswoman (a non-profit wants to pay her good money to devote all her design time to them).
The fun part is making those trade-offs. Making the kids well-educated and happy comes first - you'll be happy to learn that my Laini is going to a great school for special-needs kids - but the rest is a daily give-and-take. I hope to save enough days so Judi can hit up a Photoshop or other design conference (even if the kids will drive me crazy). And finding ways to recreate our life as a couple, which got so strained during my mess-up with my business and subsequent unemployment, will take a while and some creativity. But, I think that consenting, loving adults will find a way for all concerned to find "happiness."
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Thanks so much for sharing-again-you are so real. It's great!! What a blessing to have the "him"s in your life. I imagine all three of you are better people for the choices of living intentionally. Good Job!! :) Have a great time in Chicago.
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ali,
cool.
love
jess
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so well put! thanks again for answering our many questions about how your story started...i'll keep it in mind when mulling over my own choices!
as you said, it is a choice you make and it will have to work for you and your family-and you have definitely made it
work :)
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Ali,
Have I told you lately that I think you're awesome? So much good stuff in this entry - so much food for thought for moms (even though I'm not one). Cool beans, girlfriend :)
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Thank you for sharing this email you received and for offering such an insightful response. It's a message that all women, especially young mothers need to hear. When my children grew up and started to leave home, I freaked. I had spent 20+ years giving all that I had to my kids. The thought of losing that sense of purpose and passion scared the heck out of me. It took me about three years to find my feet again. If I had one message I could share with all women it would be this ~ Love your family with all you have, but keep something for yourself. Always, no matter how strained you are for time or money, you must, must keep something for yourself. Something that is yours, something that you love and gives you pleasure personally. Something that gives you a sense of who you are as a person, apart from being a wife, a mother, a daughter, an employee. I know it's hard to be everything to everyone, but if you don't take care of yourself, you'll have nothing left to give.
Anyway, I appreciate the example you are, Ali, and I applaude you.
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Awesome!
Own it baby!
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Loved this entry. And loved Pearle's response. I am a former battered women's counselor and if there was one message I wanted to get across it was: YOU ARE IMPORTANT TOO! Ali~you are wise. And diggin' your new do!!!
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Hey Ali, totally OT but I just got a newsletter from HGTV (not sure if you subscribe or not) but it had an article that made me think of you, with selling your house and all. Here is a link to it: http://www.hgtv.com/hgtv/pac_ctnt_988/text/0,,HGTV_22056_33803,00.html
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Great entry, Ali! I am venturing into the world of being a SAHM next week. I am so happy but yet I am freaking out. Already wondering how I will keep things balanced. How I will remember ME. Thanks for your inspiring words.
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love how you look at life so realisticaly (sp?)...always evolving...
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This hit home. It is the same question modern women have been faced for some time. Can we do it all (or at least most)? I struggle with this daily, and unfortunatly I have not put it together as well as some, since scrapbooking has taken a back seat to the increasing activity load of my kids. Even with one child in full time day care, and two others in school (with an afternoon "babysitter" to run them around), I struggle to keep up. Since I must work a 9-5 job, I had to make an affirmative decision to focus on putting, or keeping our lives together over the last 9 months or so, and that meant my scrapbooking took a back seat... perhaps now is the time to creep back into the frey. I miss it.
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Reminds me of a saying my mother used to tell me:
If you don't take care of yourself how can you take care of others.....
We all need ME time. be it work, play or a mental vacation!
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Fabulous thoughts, Ali...and I LOVE your new hair...
teri
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Nicely said. You basically just told everyone that you are a real person who has to make the same decisions most of us do. Thank you for keeping it real and not feeling the need to glamourize what you do.
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How did you get so darn SMART!!!??? :) You have this wonderfully articulate, REAL voice and everytime you touch on a subject, answer a question or shed light on an issue, I am truly awed by your ability to communicate and share yourself with all of us! Thank you!
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Thanks for the great insights, Ali... and thanks to Sherry for the exact same question I myself pondered last night, ironically. So, your timing was perfect! Thanks again! :)
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