Third Grade Field Trip

I think this post and the responses you've received should serve as an opportunity for each and every one of us to teach our children how to treat anyone who is different -- afterall, we're all unique. Showing our children how to have compassion and just reach out to ANYONE who is on the sidelines is extremely valuable. It's an important job we can do every day.

Thank you for sharing with us and for being real. I know, from experience, that being real is not easy to do sometimes. THanks for sharing your stories, even the stories that are not easy to tell. Simon is blessed to have a mom who cares so much. I have a nephew that has autism and his parents are in complete denial....He's in 5th grade now, no early intervention, OT, or anything. Just a big pink elephant in the room, that no one will address or talk about. SO, so sad. I think it takes great COURAGE to not be in denial. Denial is way easier on many levels. Just so you know, you inspire me...

It is so hard to be a parent. He sounds happy and healthy and when it comes right down to it, that is all that matters. I have found that raising girls in this day and age is very difficult and there have been times that I've simply just cried at the way kids treat each other. I guess the only thing you can do is just push through. LOVE LOVE LOVE. Do the best you can. That's really all any of us are doing!

Oh my. He is so blessed to have such a compassionate Mom.

As the mother of a 13 year old son with asperger's, your post made me tear up. I think the biggest thing for me has been to let go of how I think his life should be socially. It would break my heart to hear that he was eating lunch alone or to see him standing in line alone waiting for school to start instead of playing on the playground. After we told him about his diagnosis, he would tell me that he likes to be alone most of the time and he doesn't want to have a "best friend." It was hard to accept, but that is what makes him happy. He is in the band at school and this year he has started to bond with some of the band kids and seems to be building relationships. He still needs coaching in how to handle some social situations. With all our ups and downs, Jacob is such an awesome kid, as I'm sure Simon is, and I wouldn't change him a bit.

I think what is so hard about being a mom is I feel it's sometimes hard to watch a part of my heart running around in the world and I can't protect it all the time. I told my husband after we first had kids..."when we got married it felt like you completed my heart, but now that we have kids it feels like a piece of me is running around outside of me...and while that is great and awesome to see, it's also kind of scary"

it's hard when you love someone so much. as a mom you want everything for them.

We Moms always take it personally when our children are slighted, for any reason. It has to be doubly hard when your child is handicapped and rejected solely due to that, not really due to anything personally about the child. We want to make it better and sometimes there really is nothing that we can do beyond loving our children and doing the best we can to set up some win-win situations in their life to balance the not-so-nice moments. Hang in there and remember that "this too will pass". Somehow I found that a very helpful phrase to remember when my son was growing up. Enjoy every moment you can with them as too soon they will be 18 years old and off to other adventures.
Aloha, Kate

My now grown daughter was always the "odd one out" at school, and it was really hard. We finally decided to homeschool her, which, in her case, helped immensely. It's not the solution for every child, but it worked for us. It was a pretty rough ride with her throughout her teen years, too, and I once told my husband that it would be me who ran away from home! But we made it through, and she managed to find her own niche on the world. Lots of prayer and patience got us through as parents.

I think this kind of situation is an opportunity for several scrapbook pages, using the points of view you mentioned. You may not ever feel like sharing your feelings about this day with Simon, but it might be good to out them on a page or in a journal for yourself.

Sharing your situation inspires many others. Thanks for doing so.

I needed to read this today, thank you so much.

Ali, 46 years ago, I remember my mom and dad gathering 4 of us kids (there were 5 of us) to tell us our brother (3 years older than I) was "slow". It didn't change our feelings about him, since we were used to his differences. We did, however, become very protective of him. He was in "Special Class" at school and he didn't socialize well. We now know he is autistic. He has done well, but unfortunately he is taken advantage of quite often. He has a memory like you can't believe (he could tell you everything about "Star Trek") and he is an unbelieveable drummer... self taught. Simon will find his way. It won't be easy for you, as a momma, but with the guidance and awareness you have, he'll make it. Bless you in your journey.. and Simon in his.

Thank you for sharing, Ali. Today we will be seeing my son's neurodevelopmental pediatrician today for (most likely) his formal asperger's diagnosis. I am scared to death. Your post has given me strength, and although I know it will be tough, my son has a great family and will succeed. Hugs.

I'm all choked up. My son will be 9 next week and has PDD-NOS. Not only does he lack the social skills his peers have, but also struggles with a speech delay. Some days are hard, as you well know. But I often remind myself of all the blessings we have been given because of autism and how much my husband and I have learned as a result. (And sometimes, I wonder if my sweet boy would have the same marvelous talents he has now if he wasn't on the spectrum. I wouldn't want to loose those.) Thank you Ali for sharing. You made me feel less alone! :)

Ali, I hear ya! Even though my son was not formally diagnosed with problems, he was probably ADHD and still is to some extent. (He's 32 now and back then they didn't have all the tests they do now.) We chose to home school, which was wise. My son is very tall (6'8") and has a very soft heart. He feels everything to the extreme. I knew he woudl have big trouble at public school. ie bullying (the mean kids try to take down the Big kid - it makes them feel powerful), distractions, big desire to fit in with riff-raff, etc. However, he was/is so smart and I didn't want it squandered.
I'm glad I invested my time in staying home & close to both my kids while growing up. I always wanted them to stay "little" as long as possible. (Scott still played legos at 14!! Thought nothing of it!)
Yes, the gap got big between him & the other kids. But now at 32, he is a smart, sensitive man with a good job and a Big Heart. He cares about his friends. He worries about them.
I love him dearly and wouldn't change a thing. He is still unmarried with no girlfriend. It's going to take a wonderful gal to deserve him! (BTW - he doesn't live at home, but in another city!!)
As Mothers, we know in our hearts what to do. It's all worth it!

Oh Ali, I know what you mean....I see our first great nieces who are going on 11 this year blossom into young ladies and yet it tugs at my heart because I remember cuddling them when they where babies, that is the beauty of Life....Nothing really is ours we are here to leave a legacy for those to come....God gives us the honor and blessing of each moment and that for me is where gratitude comes...when I get the email from my 11 year old great niece telling me how much I LOOOVVVVEEE you aunty! is the thankfulness for the gift of life and sharing.....when I hear the phone call of 20 month old Mia saying Haunty...happy ..on my birthday I am thankful for precious times and realize how time passes so quickly..thank you for sharing and reminding me of the blessings in life.....you are awesome!

Reading this reminds me of the time I went on a field trip with my daughter's kindergarten class. My daughter was very sensitive at the time and her feelings would get hurt often. One of the girls in her class made a point of telling me "Mrs. K, people at school make M cry". Once I got over the shock of her telling me this I went into my teacher mode and gently explained how much words can hurt and how to treat other people as you want to be treated.
I'm sure Simon was trilled to have you with him on this trip. He is blessed with a loving and supportive family. Most of the students I work with come from disfunctional homes with families who don't put much effort into creating a safe and loving environment. I admire very much how you and Chris work very hard to support Simon and at the end of the day that's all that matters.:)

As a mom I have found that sometimes things I think are big things and I am stressing about or worried about are not the big things to my sons. I have found that if I let myself calm down about the issue and let it go, that later when I have a conversation with them about it, it really wasn't that big of a deal to them.

I try to remember when my son said "someone touched me on the bus" - as a mom I got all freaked out and cried, and had conversations with my husband and called the counselor and emailed the teacher and was ready to wage full on war.... when what he really meant was "I must have got this cold from somebody on the bus who had cold germs."

Our heart breaks for them daily, but sometimes it is just ours. And that I guess is the blessing of being an adult/parent. :)

Ali, I can't find the words to say, except that you and Simon are in my thoughts and prayers.

Its hard for me to write this but Jenny is absolutely right. My youngest son is 15 now and has dyslexia. Although he has been at a regular Christian school now for the past 2 years, since his dyslexia has been remediated, he is very socially awkward. Has only been diagnosed with the dyslexia but for some reason this has not corrected itself and as you pointed out the gap just gets wider and wider as they get older. But he tells me how happy he is, how much he likes his new school, most of his classmates, this whole new environment. He does eat lunch with all the guys but he is always on the outer fringes of the social groups. But he doesn"t care. My older son has always felt bad for him and tries to give him pointers on how he can be cooler. He has told him that he doesn"t care about being cool, he knows himself well and is happy with who he is. So Ali as long as Simon continues to thrive and stays happy and is loved by his family that"s all that matters. I know how you feel, have spent countless hours crying for my boy! Keep trying and keep loving him as you do.

Thank you for putting into words and pictures so much of what my family also lives...

Ali,
As a parent and third grade inclusion teacher, I can totally relate. I could easily imagine what you saw on this trip. So much changes at this point in grade three. I see it everyday among my large range of learners. Yes, at the end of the day, if I can send my students home feeling loved, having learned at least one new thing (or an aha! moment for that matter), and happy...well then I feel like that might just be "enough" on any given day. I commend you as a parent for noticing the little moments that matter. Just being aware is HUGE! From everything I've read on your blog, you are a very informed, active and compassionate parent! That's awesome! :)

Ali, I'm sending a BIG Army mom hug your way.

What a beautiful and honest post. Thank you for sharing.