Seeing.

Ali-
Inside yourself, you know the answer you are most happy with. Go with your gut. Don't worry about what other's might think. Simon is a child, first and foremost and you are trying to establish a normal routine, so go with the flow.....In your words: Be Organic, chick.
Seriously...it sounds like you guys are doing a great job with Simon. Just remember to treat him as you would any other child. I worked with children and adults with mild, moderate and severe Autism and we always talked about treating them with respect and like anyone else. No 'kid gloves' just because they had Autism...they were in society just as much as we are in society.
So, ask yourself the typical questions:
1-Is it important to you?
2-Is it important to him?
3-Is it bothering you?
4-Is it something you'd do or not do with any other child?
5-Is there a limit? (Like when you said he could stand, just not run away).
For #5- If he understands that he has a consequence if he does not obey you, then relax and go with it, but make sure to use a consequence if he disobeys. I.E. Simon, you are to stay right here. If you leave this area, then you may no longer stand and will have to sit and wait for us to finish.
HTH...
hugs-
Peg

Ali--Love your blog! My son Jacob is 6 1/2, diagnosed Autitic at age 20 months. We don't eat out a lot in our daily life, but we do vacation a fair amount and we refuse to miss out on events and get togethers with family and friends just because Jacob is "different". I only have a few suggestions to add to the pot:
1)Jacob loves looking at scrapbook pages of himself, so I scanned in some of his favorites and printed them out as 4x6's and put them into the little photo albums. Presto--mini scrapbooks that help keep him entertained. Since he is starting to really talk and name things, this has added new activities for him (what's this? what color is this?)
2)We sit in a booth whenever possible and try and put him on the side that does not have neighbors. We check out the floor underneath the table, and if it's clean we let him climb under when he needs a break or a change of scenery and let him take a flashlight or a light up toy. Our legs serve as a barrier from him escaping. We get some strange looks for this, but it allows other diners to eat in peace when he starts to get loud.
3)Take shifts. This is true for restaurants and other people's houses. We sit together at the table to order, and we ask for Jacob's food to come as soon as possible, and one of us orders our food to be served 10 minutes after everyone elses. If he gets antsy before the food comes, we take him outside and walk him around. Whoever eats first, enjoys their meal and socializes without guilt. Then we switch. We still get to spend time with dinner mates, and we're not stressed trying to keep him occupied when he's reached his "done point".
4)When it's a special occaision for our older son (7 1/2), like preschool graduation or a school pagent, we get a babysitter. That way, Brandon is the focus of our attention, we're not stressed, and I'm free to take photos!

Ali, you ask the hard questions. My son is 13 now and has been diagnosed with aspergers for about 5 years now. I still ask that question every day...what is he capable of and how much should we accomodate his differences on a daily basis. The bottom line is, we go back and forth, always remembering that he has to learn to live in this world, so we make accomodations when we can and at the same time, try and teach him what's expected in the "real world". I wish I could tell you that you'll figure it out one day, but by its very nature, autism is hard to figure out - next time it'll be a new situation with a completely different set of concerns.
The other thing I would say, is try not to let what other people say (or the way they can look at you) influence your parenting.
You are doing a great job with that little boy. He is blessed that God chose you guys to be his parents!

Dear Ali,
When you talk to Simon's teacher, ask her about sensory integration exercises. Sometimes you can give children "heavy work" that balances out the overstimulation of the environment.
Also, when you talk to him, be confident that he can do what you are asking of him. In fact, it might help to follow your instruction or request with, "I KNOW you can do this, Simon."
But you shouldn't worry...he's just a little guy in a big world!
Gina

Sounsd like Simon was a very good boy at the restaurant- and honestly, his behavior sounds like exactly what I would expect from any child. They don't like restaurants, they don't like sitting still, they like to run around a bit. And it sounds like you coped very well. Just find restaurants that serve your food very fast, eat quickly, and put aside all thoughts of leisurely dinners with stimulating conversation until you have a sitter or he gets older.
Seriously, what you described sounds absolutely normal. Maybe your expectations are a bit high for a 4 year old if you felt he didn't do well, it sounds to me like he was great. Try looking at other families with kids that age to see the range of normal behavior. You're doing great!

Hi Ali! I just wanted to mention as a Mom of three that we experience the same as well. What we have found as an amazing tool to help is the Leapfrog Leapster. This is the most amazing product ever..not only a learning tool but amazingly my children's favorite toy. The Dora software is a must have for Simon's age group. We don't go anywhere without ours! And now all my friends and parents whom I provide childcare for agree!
Julia

Wow - you have gotten some GREAT advoce here, not sure I can add to it too much but...
We developed a 'circle' of local restaurants where Zeb felt safe, knew the menu and could be comfortable. It took some time. We started with places that served fast and were lenient re: children's behavior. We worked our way up to moreadult restaurants.
I found the Social Stories concept to be very useful. We would go over with him where we were going, how long we might be there, what was expected of him (and us) and how he would be asked to behave.
"Sometimes, mommy & daddy really like to take Simon out for a special meal. They love spending time with Simon, and want him to go new places and have fun with them. Tonight, mommy & daddy are taking Simon to __________(name of the restaurant). It is (describe the interior of the restaurant - colors, smells, what the chairs are like, etc). While we are there, Simon will have ____to play with and will eat_____. We will be there about (amount of time), and Simon will be allowed to get up from the table (# of times) and go for a walk with mommy or daddy. Mommy & daddy are really looking forward to having this time with Simon, and they really hope everyone has a good time." You can make a little journal with photos for him if you find a particular place you all really like to go.
We also found these inflatable chair pads for Zeb; they have knobs, or projections, on the seat. He can sit on it and by just barely moving around, he gets sensory input. It has made it possible for him to sit for extended periods of time without having to get up. It's less boredom (in the classic sense) with these kids, it's a need for sensory input. Giving him a way to get that without leaving the table gives you a win-win. Also, stretching a large rubber band between the front legs of the chair helps - he can fiddle with it with his feet (or put a footstool under the table and let him rock it with his feet).
Lastly, none of us ever knows if we're being too permissive or fighting too hard to control a behavior or situation - that goes for parents of neuro-typical children as well as 'diagnosed' kids. Parenting is more art than science, we just have to trust our hearts and use our heads. Easier said than done...
Sorry to go on so long. Hope you have found some of it to be useful. I find the best part of parenting is how often they just take my breath away; they is so amazing, smart, kind...I am so humbled by both Zeb and his 'typical' brother Wyatt. I only really get caught up in the diagnosis during the annual IEP review, when all we are talking about are deficits and how to allow for them, instead of all the great assets he has.
Blessings to you and yours.

Hi Ali. I am a scrapper and get onto twopeas almost every day and found your blog there. I also have a dd with PDDNOS; she's 7 1/2. I don't think that you did the wrong thing by letting your little guy roam around the table. Very typical for our children to not want to be seated for so long. We do the same thing, as long as dd is not disrupting anyone and usually she isn't.
Simon sounds wonderful.

I found your blog a few hours ago. The pictures struck me because I took Malia there a few weeks ago. A family friend of mine has a son with autism. I need to read more so I could comment better. :) I promise.

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