What Is Real Right Now
WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW Simon began the 4th grade last week. The start of school has traditionally been a challenge for him as he navigates a new classroom, new teachers, new structures and a return to old routines here at home but so far he's been doing great. Definitely a bit sleepy this morning as we all adjust to waking up earlier.
WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW is that Simon is doing just awesome: riding his bike, reaching out to other kids, being more comfortable in new situations, reading books with joy and excitement. It's so amazing how much he loves to read if it's something he's really interested in - which really is not all that amazing when I remember that my favorite things to read are things I'm really into and excited about. We just need to find more of things for him. A couple Tuesdays ago he read a Shrek book to me for 2 hours while I was working.
WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW is that fall is on it's way. I could feel it last night coming in through the half-open windows. I saw it yesterday in a few leaves that are beginning to change colors and drop to the street. I saw it again early this morning when waking to complete darkness.
WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW is that Chris and I are having a challenging time. There are many things we are great at together and yet many areas in which we struggle to connect. I want you to know that life is real here - just as it is in your home and your life - and there's good and bad and easy days and hard ones and this happens to be a time in my life that is really hard. I'd totally take your prayers, your positive energy, your wishes of strength and peace, and your compassion. Things are changing here and I'm hoping to face this next chapter of my story with grace and an open heart.
WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW is that Anna is two. She's more two than I think Simon ever was - she's got opinions and the language skills to back them up. She's also much more of a boundary tester than Simon. She loves to jump on the couch and asks "Why Mom?" as a response to just about everything. She started a daily Montessori preschool last week and seems to be adjusting just fine. Chris and I dropped her off this morning and she was so happy to show him her school and have him meet her teacher and see her classroom. She's really pretty darn amazing and I'm so happy she's a part of my life.
WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW is that I finished both The Help and Little Bee last month. Loved them both. I asked for suggestions via Facebook and Twitter last week and started Cutting For Stone last night. Hoping to go see The Help this weekend.
WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW is that this post from my friend Jen Lemen is super inspiring: How To Be Dangerous.
WHAT'S REAL RIGHT NOW are these words: This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; in its place is something that you have left behind...let it be something good. Author Unknown.
Praying for you and sending positive thoughts.
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Ali,
Kudos to you for your honesty and openness. You have given a gift to all your readers by sharing the "less than perfect" side of life.
I have been through some very rough patches in my marriage (it's my second) and we were as close to divorce as one can get without going through with it. It was the absolute worst time in our lives. Luckily, we worked through it together and I'm happy to report we just celebrated 15 years and are closer than ever. During the time things were so bad, I really thought there was no hope.
I share this with you in the hopes that you can see the possibilities when it's tough to do so. Believe me, there have been days when, well, let's just say my husband was NOT my favorite person. Fortunately the good days definitely outweigh the tough ones.
Having little ones makes marriage even more challenging. In fact, it's been reported that couples experience the highest level of disatisfaction in their marriages when the kids are under 5 years of age.
For us it mostly came down to mismatched expectations, hidden resentments and a lack of real communication (we certainly talked, but were not so good at working through the tough stuff without it escalating to yelling, which just does not work if one hopes to resolve issues). And, some of it was each of us being unhappy with the state of our own being. That's something we each had to work on, individually.
If you're interested, we attended a great marriage workshop in WA that was really helpful - I would be happy to share the info.
I will keep you and Chris in my thoughts and wish for you a new direction, one that takes you both forward, together, as a loving and united team.
Sleep well tonight,
Steph
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Ali, your post really touched my heart. I said a prayer for you and your family. I feel honored that you've chosen to share something so personal in such a real way with all of us. God bless.
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Ali,
Please, please stay together...it's not about "connecting" it's about commitment. Get help-get counseling-talk to a pastor. Your husband is in politics to make things better for our country...right now, married people make things better for our country. Married parents make things better for their children. Please don't just ask for good vibes. My prayer is that you will go and search for help for your marriage.It is worth it.
"Ask and it shall be given to you, seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened to you. For everyone who asks recieves and he who seeks finds...Matthew 7:8
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Ali, I have been married for 19 years. I would by lying if I told you that it's been easy or happy all the time. We did hit a very, very dark spot in our marriage that lasted a long time. Longer than we expected. But we came out the other end and fell more in love. We survived and now we are thriving. That doesn't mean everything is perfect. Sometimes marriage is just hard. Sometimes you have to go through the tough times to appreciate what you have. I have looked up to you for so long, and for so long you have seemed absolutely perfect in my eyes. I am continually overwhelmed and blown away with your energy and your love and commitment to your family, especially your children, and your dedication to memory keeping ... something that your children will treasure in ways you can't imagine later in their lives, especially when they have their own children and grandchildren. Just keep doing what you are doing -- loving your family and embracing life. Let your heart guide you. It will tell you where you need to be. Whatever this is, you can get through this ... you are stronger than you think.
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There are probably 20 blogs on my "Blogs I Love" bookmark. Yours is at the top, so there are no questions if I don't have time to check in with everyone. You give us so many reasons to adore you, Ali - your parenting stories, your creativity, photography, spirit, and your honesty. Prayers, wishes, hope, faith, belief ... all good wishes coming your way. Peace to you, Chris, Simon and Anna.
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Just remmeber that nothing in life is perfect. Marriage is a lot of work and often challenging and when you add in workloads, raising children and life in general it's sometimes overwhelming. No matter what your challenges are your family is in my thoughts and prayers in hopes that everything will work out the way YOU and CHRIS want it to work out. Best of luck to you. ((HUGS))
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You're both in my thoughts and prayers. You *can* come through this stronger than before.
XXX
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Just remember to breathe and be still sometimes. The rest will follow. Praying for you...
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Beautiful post, Ali... thanks for sharing all that you share. I'm praying for you tonight!
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Hi Ali,
On Monday my husband & I will celebrate 24 years of marriage & we've been together for 29 years. It hasn't been easy & it hasn't always been fun. One thing we've learned is that ego can be the thing that comes between us and is the true & deep root of any if our arguments. I can have a tendency to think, believe & act as if my way is the best way & that is all about ego. And when I really get real I realize that when I'm doing this I'm also Easing God Out of my thoughts. The same holds true for my husband. We are human. We must have our ego in check if we are going to get through the big & the small of our relationship. Love to you & yours.
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“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” - Maria Robinson
This is one of my favorite quotes Ali and it's kind of my daily mantra, thought you might want to borrow it. Life is so amazing, and we are so strong and capable yet fragile and faltering in it. Your ability to be forthright will enable others to come towards the light that is truth and help you on your own path as well.
Wonderful post...wonderful gifts that you have in life...and many blessings coming your way.
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we love you ali- remember god gives us only what we can handle and what will make us stronger in the end- prayers for you and your family
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Lifting you, your husband, and children in prayer...
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Lots of thoughts and prayers for you all, Ali.
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I came back again in the wee hours, having one of those sleepless nights, alot weighing on my mind, and thinking about your OLW - light. Wishing for God's light to shine on you during these "unsure" times. Tonight when my little girl went to sleep, she was a combo of nervous/irritated about something happening at school tomorrow. She didn't want to talk about it except to say she wishes the morning wasn't going to come. We had just had a lovely day - but with Aspergers, good days can go up and down in the blink of an eye. I got to thinking tonight about how so much in our lives is unsure, yet so very real and emotional. I pray that while things may not feel stable right now, that each day will bring you joy and hope. I am sorry you are going through this. I am praying for you.
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Ali, you are SO real! That is why we all love you! I've been married for 24 years. Every 7 years there is that itch that needs to be scratched with it comes troubled times. We have made it through each one a little stronger. (I'm not sure how or why, but know it is the grace of God.) Now we are down to only 1 child at home, and all of the challenges that brings... like 'who are you? I know I married you, but we both have changed over time.' Be strong and know that you have thousands of your faithful friends praying and cheering for you. God Bless you and your family. HUGS!
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Ali,I have followed you for years.Tonight I've been online reading news and blogs for about an hour. Once I clicked on yours I can honestly say your post made me stop what I was doing. Just flat stop. My heartfelt thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
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My heart goes out to you and Chris-remember-this too shall pass.
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A big hug is coming your way!!!
And thanks for the quote, it is wonderful and inspiring.
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[...] you on Pinterest? A really big thank you for your kindness and support on my What Is Real Now [...]
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Embrace the change and challenge. I try to look at hard times as times of growth. Know that you will learn and grow and that better things will come of it all. Wishing you and your family the best as you work through this difficult time.
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Ali, you inspire me. I don't scrapbook or have any kids at home now, but I love the example you set in the way you live your life. Being open and honest is just one of the things I admire about you. I'm sending you the energetic support you requested and this quote. It's all good in the end. If it isn't good, it isn't the end.
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Wow, all I can say is, it really helps to know that the marriage challenges are so "normal" and common---it takes away the loneliness and shame! Ali, it is awesome that you share, but what is even better is that the all the thoughts and sharing of experiences can help all of us! Not all marriages make it, but the main theme is hang in there and remember the committment. It is just overwhelming how many of us are in the same situation, waiting out the storm. To read that so many have come out of it and moved on! Hope and encouragement!!
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I've let this post sit in my mind for a little while, to think about what provides comfort in the uncomfortable times, in the transitional times. Know that we will hold you and your family in our hearts and prayers in the coming weeks. And when you need a time for laughter - find a silly movie and laugh -- I watched Big Lewbowksi at least once a week for a long while when times were tough.
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