Quieting Children's Fears.

My kids are confident in knowing they're children of God Almighty who is "bigger than the Boogie Man, Godzilla, and the monsters on t.v." (Veggie Tales).ha.
Somehow, that gives them great comfort especially in times like this when discussing a trajedy like 9/11.
We're always being watched over and protected by Him. :)
p.s. Thanks for sharing Molly's blog! I love it too!!!

My son who has PDD-NOS is the more hesitant of my two boys. I allay his fears with 2 things: a hug and a push. It works sometimes. Other times it's followed by another hug.

I tell my kids to imagine a blackboard in their brains (or in today's world, a whiteboard). I then encourage them to close their eyes and imagine an eraser erasing their fears or bad thoughts.
This strategy even works for grownups.

If I have time, I try to do a sensory diet and then talk to him. My Gabe always seems to be more "put together" verbally and then he can tell me (with some prompted options) what's bothering him, why he's scared, etc. Then we try and rationalize and pray to make things better. When there's only a little time, I like to give deep pressure hugs and talk. It's always amazing to me the fears he has, and how they grow so fast if not addressed!
Oh, for night time fears, we bought a lion pride toy, that has a roaring lion - seems to do the trick to scare the monsters away! Love that thing!

Lots of hugs!!! I talk to them and let them know that it's ok to be affraid and that sometimes I'm affraid too. I tell them to take it one step at a time and it will be ok.

I've taught my kids how to pray. It's what helps me when I'm scared.

I pray over them, and put my hands on them and say the blessing from Numbers 6:24-26 before we leave most mornings for school. Especially those crazy mornings.

I share in the sentiment of several women. I have always talked with my children about the power of God and that He is with them all the time...to guide, direct...they can share any fears or anxiety and He listens...yes, really listens! And, I have always prayed over them while they were sleeping. It is wonderfully free to know that God is in control.

Oh, and Ali, you are such a wonderful and caring mom!!

First of all, I love the way you work through the process with Simon.
Two of my three daughters have versions of Asperger's Syndrome. And they don't deal well with adjusting schedules and new expectations. Living through each day and having each day go better than the last is something I have done for years.
I try for stability at home and warnings about changes in routines. Works better sometimes than others.
Keep up the great work with your son.

Hi Ali
I went thru that beginning of this year with my girl. She was excited for 3 days and then came the crying, dragging of feet.. the shouting... I was really exhausted and scared myself. We prayed alot. We also took a lot of time to talk to her... show her it is not that bad after all. We talked with her teacher everyday, doing a little something to help her. Check out The 5 languages of love for a child. My girl is a touch and hug person, so I ask the person to do that to her first thing she sees her in the morning. it definitely helps! Now, 9 months, she is happily adjusted. All the best to Simon. He will do well!

I have to comment on how much I love your blog. Just when I needed a little reassurance, I read this. :) While my oldest is not anxious about school, she is anxious about her upcoming 7th surgery/procedure in a year (on top of chemo and radiation). She asks lots of questions for an almost 5 year old and we try to answer her questions as matter of fact for her level. But there are those times that we answer them, and later once she's in bed, quietly cry on having to re-assure an almost 5 year old that she has to have surgery again. Showing them it's ok to be scared is a good thing but we also have to balance giving them comfort and love is necessary!

We found with one of my boys that the reason he hated school was the missing of mom. I had my husband take a picture of the two of us for him to place inside his desk at school and that made quite a difference. We also found that he was suffering from more extensive anxiety issues that were (to us) a bit irrational...it was the deep breathing, the asking 'why' do you feel this way and a lot of patience and hugs. And yes, we worry every day about him. We have worried about this boy since he was born...and always will.

Hi Ali,
I'm not a parent yet, but I am a Grade 1 teacher and have dealt with a lot of children who have anxiety about school. Grade 1 is a big transition for many children. Remember it is really still very new, and many kids, especially someone with needs like Simon, will need more time to adjust. Once he is more comfortable with the room and routines he'll be just fine :-)

We just moved to a new area and all got new jobs - our 4 year old's job is going to daycare and having a good day. We all pray for each other. When I drop him off, I remind him that I will be praying for him during the day and ask him to do the same for me. Lots of hugging and reassuring, talking through his fears and concerns.
What a great topic. I do so appreciate all the comments.
Thanks. God bless.

I haven't caught up in all your posts lately but I am assuming you have made a storybook? The one that has the photo of boarding the bus, on the bus, arriving at school, classroom, teacher - with the appropriate script. Normally it is just the setting and following of the new routine. Maybe ever morning when you wake up you could read the story book together... with the story showing the day right through until home time. I am not a mum but a teacher and have had an autistic child use these as he transitioned into, and then again out of, my classroom. The best thing is when reading the book you may notice the particular bit that is causing the most anxiety. Good luck :)

You are doing the right thing. Trust your heart.
Love,
Renee

Yesterday, my 23 yo college graduate had to return to a high school to do volunteer work as a part of master's work.... she was SSSSOOOO nervous. We talked it over, I reminded her some would notice and ignore, some would be her friend. We had gotten her the nicest fit-in clothes we could find, new make up and I drover her there so she wouldn't have to panic over parking. Afterwards, we went out to a late breakfast and she said "it was just like we talked about, Mom." I said "Remember this...it won't ever change no matter what the situation."

Excellent job- mom!!!
We all have fears & anxiety. I myself inheretted an anxiety disorder from my mom. Fortunately for my children,DD especially, I now know coping skills & regularly teach my children these skills while discussing their fears.
I believe being there, helping them verbalize their anxieties, & not diminishing their fears (because they are real) & encouraging them to face them is what should be done.
Oh- a good nights sleep is key before a big day at school.
Hug your babies everyday no matter how big they get.

hi ali, this is my first time posting. i deal with it just as you would. my son was havinga rough time in kindergarten this year. (taking 3 to 4 teachers daily to hold him down while hes shrieking on the front steps of the school) however.. my cousin who teaches special ed, suggested something called social stories. which i think would be perfect for you, because you document "life" daily as it is! :) she does it with their kids.students and they can be geared towarrds any age/child she said. what you do is make up a story WITH you child about whatever it is bothering them. going to school, the bus ride, eating lunch at school, going to the bathroom... for us, we geared it toward the "unexpected".
and it worked. you read it to your kid everyday if not a few times a day and while we got books out of the library and talked to our son about school, social stories was a better idea bc he was actually able to picture himself in these situations since the pictures WERE of him. (some actual pictures, some drawings)
i am going to use this udea for future things as well. my son started making up stories. i think we will make a book on the consequences of storytelling?
here are a few websites i found if you are interested!!!
http://www.polyxo.com/socialstories/
http://www.frsd.k12.nj.us/autistic/Social%20Stories/social_stories.htm
http://www.autism.org/stories.html

We remind the kids that even if we aren't there, Jesus is right there living in their hearts and that has made a huge difference in our seperation anxeity. We made a worry jar where the kids can draw a picture or write about what is bothering them to get it out. We talk about the what ifs and different ways to conquor it, remind them of similar successes in the past, and then tuck the fear away into the worry jar. The process seems to help the kids verbalize what they are feeling and helps me understand where they are at.

Sometimes I think inside my 9 year old boy is the soul of a 35 year old man. He worries about things that little boys should not worry about and it is very difficult to calm those fears. If it were monsters in the closet or if he worried if his best friend will be at school tomorrow, I could deal with that... but his fears are so grown up. For example, he constantly fears on how he will make a living when he grows up? Will he be able to afford a house. He wonders if God is real. He constantly asks me why we are here. Why is life hard, why do we have to work... sometimes I just hug him and tell him the truth... I don't know.

Second post, sorry. These ideas are just so wonderful, many that I hope to use, esp. the blackboard idea! I wanted to add some actual resources that I use with my oldest child, in hopes other Moms with high spirited kids may find new tools.
"Indigo Ocean" which I purchased from itunes, is a "new age" music and relaxation CD for kids. My husband and I rolled our eyes at this one at first, but played it during a car trip during a time E was having increased anxiety. She LOVED it, and requests it frequently. Specifically, the "angry octopus" story was a huge help. There is also an "Indigo Dreams" CD but it wasn't as big of a hit as the Ocean CD.
Also, I use a book called "Helping Your Anxious Child" which I find extremely helpful. It is pracitical and gets to the point, really helps me understand how I can help her learn to help herself.

Over the last 20 years I have had many of my children go through fearful moments. I think the best thing is to let them know you are there for them...that you will walk "side by side" with them through it. If you cannot be there physically, let them know you will be thinking about them and praying for them as they take the test or try out for the play or whatever it is. It always helps me to know someone is going to be there for me. It gives me strength I couldn't muster on my own.

My little is seven and I also have two girls. The girls usually do a great job when it cimes to new situations. My boy on the other hand is just like Simon. He is scared. On his first day he did everything he could not to cry. He was just as he said really scared mom. We got to schoolearly and sat on the stairs outside his new class room and just wached all the new kids go in. After 20 min or so he said ok mommy I will go in now. I think we just do a lot of positive talk and let them know its ok to be scared and that we will be there for them. The thing that has helped me the most in getting over my fears like labor...is this thought tomorow at this time all this will have passed and it will just be a memory so its up to me to make it a good one or a bad one. This just helps me cope and go foward. Thanks caring..Gloria