Quieting Children's Fears.

I think you are right Ali, tis the season of child anxiety, the start of school is always a fun, exciting and nervous time. This year my daughter started half day kindergarten and I really thought she'd begin this new chapter fearlessly...much like she tackles life in general. I was wrong. By the 3rd day she was crying each day and didn't want to go to school. After much discussion I came to the conclusion that she missed me. We are tight and I am a SAHM but I never realized just how tight we are until she didn't want to leave me. But I found the magic trick that worked well for her. I sprayed just the tiniest squirt of my perfume on her wrist and told her when she missed me she should just smell and know that she will see me again soon. I also let her put her little stuffed baby (her lovey if you will) in her backpack and told her when she was sitting on the bus missing me, just hug her backpack and she is really snuggling her best baby. It took a few days but she is now going to school happy and getting off the bus with a smile. I'm glad she's adjusted but I hope she always needs me a little!

I would say that children need to know what to expect. I went over my son's schedule with him over and over again before school and he is doing so well. We went over things like breakfast choices, special area classes, group time, etc. Each morning we go over what his might be like. As a librarian/ media coordinator in an elementary school, some of the little kids ask - sometimes every week - "Are we going to get books today?" (We get new books every week - but they still want assurance for what is going to happen.)
I am sure the teacher would let you take some photos to correlate to his day (she might even take them for you). This would be a great book to look at it each day.
By the way, I think you and your husband are doing a fantastic job with Simon!!!!
PS Congratulations!

As a teacher too I always read "The Kissing Hand" the first day of school. The child gets a red heart in their hands and so do the mommies. As a mom myself, I know it is as hard or harder for the mommies to leave behind scared babies. I can tell though that most of the time, not always they are fine ans stop crying with 5-10 minutes. Since I teach special needs children, we develop a routine the first day and stay very consistent so that the children know what to expect and they feel safe. If they are having a bad day, we adjust and love and care for them accordingly.

P.S. I really do know how to spell - in a hurry but embarrased by errors :(

P.S. I really do know how to spell - in a hurry but embarrased by errors :(

firtly ali, congrats to you guys on your pink news!!!!
secondly, i use visuals to help quieten the fears and really pray over him when he is going into a more intense-stressful situation. It has really worked well for us. Of course we use words to reassure, arms to hold him in and cuddles and kisses to remind him that we are always there.
You are such an inspirational family :)
lusi x

Hi Ali,
It's funny that you write about 'quieting our children's fears'....what happened the past 2 days caught me off guard and I was really at a loss for what to do. I have 2 girls, age 8 and age 5 (almost 6). The younger one just entered grade 1 and is now in a full day of school. She was fine the first few days until.....our school handed out the envelopes to raise money for the annual 'Terry Fox Run' (most famous Canadian who had cancer and ran across most of Canada to raise money for others; he had an artificial metal leg to replace the one that was amputated). Well, this was really the first introduction to Terry Fox for my 5 year old. Little did I know that somehow she would attach some great fear to this photo. She burst into tears and refused to go back into class. I was called to the school and after calming her down, she told me she was scared of 'the leg'. I brought her home, we talked about how important Terry Fox was, how he has helped so many people, and that he was such a brave person. That didn't seem to help. She could only focus on 'the leg'. Well I did get her off to school this morning. Again, she was all fine until the teacher started teaching and talking about Terry Fox (this whole month is dedicated to Terry Fox, so we can't avoid it, nor do I want to). This time our school counselor stepped in and was able to calm my daughter. She then gave her a 'tool' to help her with any anxiety and/or anything else in the future that she may find frightening.
This is really what I wanted to share: Have your child take a deep breath in and then out. Then have him/her say positive affirmations. In our situation, "I will not let that picture scare me because I am brave. Just like Terry Fox was brave". And lo and behold, this has really helped. I have been instructed to continue with this 'tool' and also to work on some desensitizing exercises with my daughter surrounding the picture of Terry Fox.
Hope this little story helps with any other children that my have anxiety or fears. Whether it be for school related items or other things they may encounter in their lives.
Thanks Ali and I'm happy that Simon is finding it easier every day.

I am having some similar issues with my son. He is in kindergarten and while he is very excited to be IN school, he has a lot of anxiety about the bus. I have just been talking to him about it and trying to be as upbeat as possible each morning. He finally told me earlier this week that some of the older kids are calling him a baby on the bus, that he is scared and doesn't want to go. I spoke to the bus driver who is going to save a seat for him in the front and so far, he seems OK with that.
It sounds like Simon is also settling in to his new routine! Going back to school is a big routine adjustment for these little guys!

Ali, it seems a lot of us have been going through similar situations the past few weeks. What I do is this... take it one day at a time... keep talking to my son and the school... and most importantly, find other parents who understand what we're going through. It helps so much when I can talk to them, and they reassure me that we are headed in the right direction. I am very fortunate to have met two scrappers from afar whose sons were/are a lot like mine. (Nic and Barbara, I *heart* you guys.)
Bottom line, Ali... Simon is doing great. You and Chris have set him up for success. Congratulations to all three of you!

My 5YO son is autistic and was placed in a brand new class this year.I was anxious about him dealing with new & "unchartered" expereinces. Turns out that I was the one whose fears needed quieting because he was totally fine with this new classroom and warmly took the new teacher's hand. Last year he had shown more resistance because it was his first year in school. It's all about growing pains I guess. Not just from the child's point of view but the mama's as well... I try to learn from the past and where we are today and draw from how we were able to get through anxieties from that time and apply it to the now.... this too shall pass, I am sure. : )

Transition...a really tough part of teaching or parenting a child with autism. One of my students was having a 'meltdown' after a rough day when it was time to go home. We used a picture symbol card that we had made for him of a car, car seat and child buckled in (all on the same card) and he was instantly calmed.. he said "time to go home" and he did! Without tears! Small victories are the sweetest.

my daughter gets really anxious, she almost always vomits the day before going to schooL>this year she didn't yay! progress!
we keep journals back and forth about fears etc. but mostly we lay in bed at night, on my bed together and just talk for a couple of hours....it seems to really help to go over it all again and again>
tara

Ali,
Have you tried social stories with Simon? They are stories that teach children (with autism) how to do things, or how to act in certain places, or even about self care and life events. You could probably make up your own (using your stash) about a little boy and his morning routine before school and then riding on the bus. My son does not talk, but he understand and I've found the stories help. He likes it when we read them over and over.

I see a lot of comments from parents of children with Autism. My oldest son has Aspergers (mild form of autism) I also have a daughter who was born with congenital heart defects. She's had 5 heart surgeries, 2 strokes, was blind and paralyzed (following those strokes), has had lung bleeds, is on oxygen and in a wheelchair and is terminally ill. She is 20 yrs old and at the level of a 7 yr old. Needless to say, she has a LOT of fears. Going to sleep every night is so scary for her... she is afraid she will die in her sleep. I also have 3 sons who have lived their whole lives knowing that their sister is so sick and knowing that she could die at any time. All of my kids have anxiety issues and it can get tough sometimes.
We talk a lot about everything with our children. My husband and I talk about our ancestors, where they are now (heaven) and our religious beliefs. We try to make sure that our kids know that it's ok to have whatever feelings they are having. Sometimes watching uplifting movies helps with fears, singing, praying, talking about other people we know who have gone through similar situations and discuss how they got through it... and sometimes we just hug. Knowing that you aren't alone can really help get through a lot of fearful moments. When my daughter is really upset we play a game. We take turns listing our favorite things and before long she is smiling and doesn't want to stop! :)
I'm glad to hear that your son is getting used to going to 1st grade and especially getting onto the bus. When my daughter started riding the bus to school I think I was much more fearful than she was! LOL!

Reading your post brought me to tears again for the millionth time in the last few days. My youngest son is now 19 and on his first day of school - the only fears were mine! He was excited and ready to go! Even smiled and hugged me and told me not to cry. Last week he called me from Fort Bragg, NC where he is a member of the Army's 82 Airborne Division to let me know he is deploying to Iraq in mid-November. Once again - he is calm and collected and I am terrified!
You are right, though - just keep taking one step at a time! I'm trying!
Julie
julieberg@integra.net
www.scrappingforsoldiers.com

Ali - I don't have any kids. So, I can't personally relate to your words in this post, but I was still really touched by them. Simon is such an adorable kiddo, and it's clear from your blog and the pages you've shared that you are head over heals crazy about him and about being a mom. It's moving to see and read about. I shared the link to this post with my sister-in-law who has a son about Simon's age. I bet a lot of people are going through this kind of thing this time of year. Just wanted to wish you and Simon good luck this year!!

My son is quite afraid of dogs. Even though he is way better than he was a couple of years ago, I still notice a little stiffening when a dog is approaching, even on leash. And he won't go anywhere near my best friend's dog. I just don't push the issue. And when he shows interest, I hold the space with him. I show no fear. He turns to us to know he's safe, to know that all is right in the world...I'm his guide and I guide him. Simple as that.

Not sure if anyone mentioned this as I don't have time to read all the comments but my son is having a hard time with pre-school, last year was great, this year I've had to leave him crying. So hard. The only thing that I've done so far is to have him look forward to something when he comes home like cookies or a TV show he likes and that usually helps. I know as an adult, looking forward to things in the future is what gets me through the difficult or mundane. Hope that helps.

School is such a place of comparing yourself to others, and then worrying that you just won't measure up. Even though teachers try to make the atmosphere more cooperative and not competitive, kids always seem to know who is the best reader, writer, or soccer player. They need to develop their own sense of "I can do it" and that comes mostly from experiences of success.

hey i think that is a good idea keep up the good work