Things I Am Learning (or re-learning)
1. Typing one handed, with a nursing baby in the other arm, is not too hard (just takes a lot longer).
2. There is nothing better than just sitting and watching her facial expressions while she is sleeping.
3. Witnessing Simon's love for Anna is totally more amazing than I could have ever imagined.
4. I now have "kids." Still feels strange to say "the kids."
5. Simon is like a giant compared to Anna. I remember a couple people in the comments a few weeks back talking about how big Simon would seem after her arrival. It is so VERY true. Each time I give him a hug, rustle my hand through his hair, and just look at his face I can't believe how old he is - I don' think without Anna for comparison I would have been able to "see" him as he really appears (I saw many more little boy features).
6. Girls clothes really are more fun than boys.
7. I am having moments where I miss Simon. In the midst of so much joy & celebration I am
missing him and the way things used to be. I am working hard to set
aside time for just me and him - to chat, to snuggle, to give him my
undivided attention. I don't want to lose our connection in this time
of transition. Bittersweet.
8. Taking a hot shower is one of my favorite parts of the day.
9. I love how Chris put his favorite photo of Anna as his phone wallpaper so he can whip it out and see her beautiful little face.
10. I really, really miss my Mom when she leaves after being here with us right after the births of both our kids. Just having her here and hanging out with her and having her take care of us is something I am so very thankful for - love you Mom. You are the best. These emotions seem even more powerful this time around as I glance over at Anna and have those "wow, I have a daughter" thoughts. The mother daughter bond is powerful in our family.
11. I can finally cough and blow my nose again without feeling like my incision is going to break wide open.
12. Listening to Simon talk to Anna is another favorite part of my day. Yesterday he was telling her all about Harry Potter. He says things like, "Baby Anna this is Obi Wan Kenobi." or "Baby Anna do you want to watch Harry Potter with me?" or "It's OK Anna, you are safe" when she cries.
13. Wireless internet and my laptop are something I am thankful for. For those of you surprised at my posting so soon after Anna's birth, some of the posts were planned in advance (like the giveaway) and others were done while I am sitting here on the couch nursing or holding Anna. So thankful for our big brown comfy couch.
14. Having your 10 year old washer & dryer die the day before a child is born is a total pain...especially if you are planning to use cloth diapers from the beginning. I ended up waiting and will start this next week after the new appliances are delivered.
15. Simon is having a challenging time at school right now with some behavior issues. The transitions at home seem to be impacting him in different ways this time around - one of which is acting out physically when he is frustrated. Hoping that this too shall pass sooner rather than later as we all settle into our new routine.
16. Over the last two weeks Simon has gone to be and woke up saying he is
sick, hoping he will be able to stay home. It's gotta be hard for him
to leave in the morning - especially with his favorite person (Grandma
Pati) and his new favorite person (Baby Anna) here at home.
17. Yesterday was my first really tough day. Overwhelmed. Tired. Weepy. Anna not interested in sleeping until late in the afternoon. Fighting a cold.
18. Remembering each day that tomorrow is another day; that I need to treasure these early moments and let go of my own personal expectations for how the day should go.
loved that after 17, there was 18...
as you go through and are in the process, thanks for the reminder that honesty (#17) and hope in the future and checking our own selves on what might be trying to keep us from enjoying and living (#18). Totally insightful.
hw
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Hey there,
I found your blog last week . . . I can't even remember exactly how at this moment. Anyway, I love it. My baby is named Anna too (great name!) She is my #5 and will be 1 on 3.28 . . . where does the time go? My washer (although not the dryer) died this fall, and we use cloth diapers too. What a pain. I'm so sorry.
Have a splendid day!
Blessings,
Shana
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Wow, reading your thoughts remind me of how I felt after my children were born. The old saying "this too shall pass" comes to mind. However, the precious moments and the not so precious moments all pass, this is life!
Grab on and enjoy the ride, or at least most of it!
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#11 brought back memories:)
she looks amamzing.
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aha, I remember . . . I found you through Gina (lettergirl) because of your giveaway. I really wanted to win, but I forgive you. :)
Have a great day!
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I remember my husband and I thinking our 4 year olds head was HUGE after we had our second daughter. It's so funny how your perspective changes so much after adding another member of your family.
I treasure those newborn days. When things get crazy - my kids are 6 and 19 months now - I often think about those days. They seemed so crazy at the time, but looking back there is such a sense of peace about them. Enjoy!
Anna is beautiful!
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These remind me so much of my experiences. Just wait until Anna is old enough to smile. The best feeling in the world as a mother is to watch one child make the other one laugh. Those first times witnessing that are so amazing, but it still, all these years later, makes me so happy.
I remember my heart just breaking for the loss I felt for my first when my second was born. I really did feel that I lost that intensely deep connection I had with my first and it's only been in the past year--he's 11--that I feel it's coming back. I don't think that is common. At least it didn't happen to my sister. But in case it does happen more often, it's good that you're working to keep it alive with Simon.
Last memory--My youngest was an absolute non-crying angel until the day after my mom left. Suddenly he got a little colicky (sp?) and things got a lot harder. Not so great timing. I think they probably all get a little harder after a week or so, though, just when you're expected to be "adjusted." LOL, you never adjust b/c it's always changing. =)
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this is a little long but worth it. it's such a tough thing what you are going through but the end result is well worth it of course.
LOVING TWO
I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship.
Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited.
And I wonder, how could I love another child as I love you?
Then she is born, and I watch you.
I watch as the pain you feel at having to share me as you have never shared me before.
I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me" and I hear myself telling you in mine "I can't".
Knowing in fact that I never can again.
You cry, I cry with you.
I almost see our baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared.
A relationship we can never have again.
But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty.
I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying her -- as though I am betraying you.
But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.
More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine.
The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.
But something is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just us two.
There are new times -- only now we are three.
I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.
I watch how she adores you, as I have for so long.
I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments.
I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you.
I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.
I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong.
And my question is finally answered to my amazement.
Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you, only differently.
And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I know you'll never share my love.
There's enough of that for both of you -- you each have your own supply.
I love you both and I thank you both for blessing my life.
---Author Unknown
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Ali, she is absolutley beautiful. Everything will fall into place, give it time. Going from one child to two is very challenging on so many levels, but you will get there. Glad to hear you are healing from the c-section. It is terrible you have a cold on top of it all. I had 2 c-secs, and I remember very clearly how it felt, so hang in there, time is on your side!
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she's beautiful!!!
I really love that you are using cloth diapers!
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It is so exciting and wonderful calming at the same time to see sweet newborn babes on two of my favorite blogs – yours right here and mytopography.com. Oh, the beauty. My best wishes go out to both of you and your families.
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Ali, i enjoy so much everything you write. And i love your post. Thank you so much for sharing your positive and optimistic view of life, always. it's good for me. have a good time with your family and take care!
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Hang in there today. I hope Anna sleeps for you before the afternoon arrives.
So sorry to hear about your washer/dryer going out- and right before you had her. I can't imagine how frustrating and ill-timed that must have been.
Enjoy your day!
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..."It's OK Anna, you are safe" when she cries...
Oh, my! This brought a tear to my eye. What a sweetheart Simon is!
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You're a champ... lovin' this post so much. Takes me back to emotions I had when my second was born. Looking back those were such good times even when I cried probably everyday. Love this... you're the best Ali.
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she is gorgeous!
you are doing so great. someone told me when i had my second child that the greatest gift you can give your children is a sibling. they will always have each other. it is so true. even when my kids don't seem to like each other, they love each other and are each others best friends. it's so worth it. just take one day at a time.
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Ali, so beautifully put! With the birth of a baby, emotions are so intensified. And with my last baby...that darn PPD was even worse since I knew she was my last. But by intentionally being aware of the good things and constantly trying to be engaged and enjoy everthing about her (and my other two as the "big" kids), it made things a little easier. A baby sure changes things. Definitely for the best, but changes nonetheless. You are an amazing women...in so many ways. Thanks for sharing this sweet journey with us. It takes me back and reminds me of my own from long ago.
:)Sharon
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Oh... the memoires your post has awakened. Daughters bring a joy that no one can measure. Anna is simply beautiful. As a big brother, Simon is demonstrating some "normal" first month adjustment.It is a good time to help put labels/words to feelings. (great poster of faces to point to). Believe it or not, as much as you love your mom being there, Simon might re-adjust when she leaves. My son at 4yr. told is GM to "go home" after living with us for 6 weeks during her remodel when our daughter was born.Sometimes, they just want things back to where they were. We all survive! Enjoy every moment you have as a mom.
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You've totally captured the ups and downs of early double parenthood. I wish I'd written more of that down when my second was born. You'll be glad you did. Just reading your #12 reminds me of how my firstborn (at age 2) would tell my secondborn when he cried, "That's okay baby boy, Jakey's here." THanks for bringing back that precious memory!
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I'm so thankful for how real this list is, both good and not so good. Love to you and the whole family.
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Hi Ali, I too have a new baby and have typed with one hand. SO, try this. Do you have have boppy pillow? I position it between me and the desk. That way I can type and nurse! It's awesome!
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Thanks for your beautiful honesty, Ali, and for letting us into this new part of your life. Enjoy all the sweet moments and the cuddles...you have two beautiful kids.
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Beautiful photo. Beautiful baby! Although I'm a grandma, having just spent time with my new 1-month-old gd and her 4-year-old sister, I can still relate to a lot of your post. Brings back my memory of sitting on the basement steps bawling because my preemie was so sick from a bad batch of formula and I felt so helpless--this tiny being depended upon me totally and I had failed him. Ha! Now he's nearly 40 and feeling the same about his own little girls. Just some perspective--which you seem to be doing so well with! Love....
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Oh Ali, this post brought tears to my eyes...not exactly sure why, but your tender honesty is touching. Such a tricky rope to travel this parenting business and holding on to our own sense of selves. It is a journey, that is for sure. Best wishes to Simon as her learns the ropes for this stint as well, what a lovely family you have! I only have one so far and I appreciated your comparison to seeing how big Simon is now that you have a little(ler) one now...and kids! So happy for you! =)
Jen
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What nice little list to print and paste into your pretty premade journal.
Thanks for sharing.
What a miracle life is.
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