Things I Am Learning (or re-learning)
1. Typing one handed, with a nursing baby in the other arm, is not too hard (just takes a lot longer).
2. There is nothing better than just sitting and watching her facial expressions while she is sleeping.
3. Witnessing Simon's love for Anna is totally more amazing than I could have ever imagined.
4. I now have "kids." Still feels strange to say "the kids."
5. Simon is like a giant compared to Anna. I remember a couple people in the comments a few weeks back talking about how big Simon would seem after her arrival. It is so VERY true. Each time I give him a hug, rustle my hand through his hair, and just look at his face I can't believe how old he is - I don' think without Anna for comparison I would have been able to "see" him as he really appears (I saw many more little boy features).
6. Girls clothes really are more fun than boys.
7. I am having moments where I miss Simon. In the midst of so much joy & celebration I am
missing him and the way things used to be. I am working hard to set
aside time for just me and him - to chat, to snuggle, to give him my
undivided attention. I don't want to lose our connection in this time
of transition. Bittersweet.
8. Taking a hot shower is one of my favorite parts of the day.
9. I love how Chris put his favorite photo of Anna as his phone wallpaper so he can whip it out and see her beautiful little face.
10. I really, really miss my Mom when she leaves after being here with us right after the births of both our kids. Just having her here and hanging out with her and having her take care of us is something I am so very thankful for - love you Mom. You are the best. These emotions seem even more powerful this time around as I glance over at Anna and have those "wow, I have a daughter" thoughts. The mother daughter bond is powerful in our family.
11. I can finally cough and blow my nose again without feeling like my incision is going to break wide open.
12. Listening to Simon talk to Anna is another favorite part of my day. Yesterday he was telling her all about Harry Potter. He says things like, "Baby Anna this is Obi Wan Kenobi." or "Baby Anna do you want to watch Harry Potter with me?" or "It's OK Anna, you are safe" when she cries.
13. Wireless internet and my laptop are something I am thankful for. For those of you surprised at my posting so soon after Anna's birth, some of the posts were planned in advance (like the giveaway) and others were done while I am sitting here on the couch nursing or holding Anna. So thankful for our big brown comfy couch.
14. Having your 10 year old washer & dryer die the day before a child is born is a total pain...especially if you are planning to use cloth diapers from the beginning. I ended up waiting and will start this next week after the new appliances are delivered.
15. Simon is having a challenging time at school right now with some behavior issues. The transitions at home seem to be impacting him in different ways this time around - one of which is acting out physically when he is frustrated. Hoping that this too shall pass sooner rather than later as we all settle into our new routine.
16. Over the last two weeks Simon has gone to be and woke up saying he is
sick, hoping he will be able to stay home. It's gotta be hard for him
to leave in the morning - especially with his favorite person (Grandma
Pati) and his new favorite person (Baby Anna) here at home.
17. Yesterday was my first really tough day. Overwhelmed. Tired. Weepy. Anna not interested in sleeping until late in the afternoon. Fighting a cold.
18. Remembering each day that tomorrow is another day; that I need to treasure these early moments and let go of my own personal expectations for how the day should go.
Wow all those thoughts sound so familiar and knowing we will have no more - it is sad in some ways. Simon will do amazing, but not fun when the behavior is starting up - you will help him through it. I am sure that he wishes he was at home with all of you, and he is probably wanted to not miss a thing - tough when Grandma is there. We have the same with Brody when grandma is here, and we have no newer little sibling to add the extra wish to be closer to. You are doing amazing and I truly loved your list!!
Everyday is a blessing.
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Ali:
You final note (#18) is so true. I wish that I had had that insight. Now I reflect back and wish that I had put less emphasis on what I felt should have been happening, and just taken the time to enjoy what was. My kids are 5 and 2, and I have been trying deperately to have a third. Unfortunately I don't think it is the cards...3 losses in 1.5 years. So I will never get the chance to just sit and enjoy.
Take every moment for what it is worth. By the way she is beautiful!
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Oh, those first few days and weeks. I remember them...so wonderful, getting to know that new little one....and so, so hard - not enough sleep, and the recovery from major surgery (had three of 'em!)But you know what? Just one night of a bit more sleep, just one day when the baby sleeps long and eats well and is just happy to settle? Makes the world a whole better place!
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She is absolutely beautiful!
It sounds like your transition is going better than mine did. When my second daughter was born, my first daughter who was only 19 months old, called her "No Baby" and also had to sit in my lap any time I was holding or feeding her sister.
Those overwhelming feeling will pass! Enjoy every day.
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"Kids" is always better than kid.....
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Wow. Your post really brought me back. I spent the weekend nursing my 18 year old daughter with a high fever. It is certainly the same, but different...Enjoy the early days, the weepy and the new washer and dryer. I washed cloth diapers from 1990-1996. Blessings on you!
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Ali, how true your post today rings for me as well. I have a daughter now after having 2 boys and let me tell you the same things you are experiencing now with your second are holding true to me with my third(Yes hot showers are divine right now). My Violet is 1 month old today, and its still hard to believe I finally have a daughter. Congrats to you and your family!
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God Bless you Ali! I'm sure you're doing a fabulous job with your little brood. It's all a matter of adjustment and it sounds like you're doing it very well. Your attitude to take each day as it comes is perfect. Hugs to you.
Sue
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Bless your heart Ali...be gentle on yourself at this time while you heal. If you have to...just leave us a note for a few days and take it easy. We will miss you, but totally understand. Hope Anna will sleep good & you nap when she does! Hugs to Simon.
Darlene
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She is such a beautiful baby girl! Enjoy every second you have with her.
I missed my mom terribly too when she finally had to go back to Mexico. Sigh...
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Ali - she is beautiful! Make NO plans, set NO goals and create NO expectations. She's a baby and Simon is a boy...you're outnumbered! They are here, they are happy and the LOVE YOU! At the end of the day (albeit tired, exhausted day) that really is ALL THAT MATTERS!!
PEACE!
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You definitely need to embrace your own personal philosopy, babe. Go with the flow. Don't make it harder than it has to be.
Sigh. It seems like a lifetime ago that I was home with Cole. But I distinctly remember that I consciously savored all of it.
It's such a transforming and magical thing, bringing a new baby home.
Love you.
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Hi Ali
Your Anna is a beautifull baby and i love being a tiny part of this newborn life. Ohh, yeah those days a good shower were the best... i still remember them... Take care of yourself!
Hedwig
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I remember too how 'big' and grown up my eldest child was when my second baby was born and he was only 2. I remember crying at night because I felt that I couldn't be as good a Mummy to him as I had been before. I think that every good Mummy will go through this feeling, it's because we care and love them so much. But try not to be too hard on yourself, you've given him a sister and friend for life.
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I remember those "missing" feelings well, when I had my second daughter (and they are only two years apart. That singular focus was sad for me to lose as well. It gets better, but takes time.
She looks so soft :)
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Ali, this, too, shall pass -- hang in there and take it one day at a time. Anna is absolutely beautiful and Simon will adjust at school; it takes time, that's all. I have two kids and remember how it all was in the beginning after the second one was born and was a little overwhelmed but it passed, too. God bless you, Ali!
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Ali,
Congrats! Enjoy. Truly sit back and enjoy this time. My son will be 6 months on March 4th, I can't believe that already. I think you have a wonderful plan with your last entry. Take plenty of pictures. Write down your thoughts and feelings. Even if you don't think they're that big of a deal right now. In 6 months I LOVE reflecting back to the newborn stage. The tiny little baby so dependant on you. Love the almost 6 month stage too, because I am seeing his personality. Enjoy Anna and Simon. congrats!
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sounds like you are doing wonderfully. try to allow yourself a good six months to be truly comfortable with two children. i know it took me that long (although my first was only two when the second was born). glad to see you posting!
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Be gentle with yourself, Ali. This is a huge change for ALL of you, esp. you b/c you have the physical/emotional changes all together.
Be gentle and take care of you.
Pace yourself quietly and intentionally.
Keep the peace in your heart and guard it fiercely; it's too easily set aside with stresses pulling us all different ways.
Off my soapbox now.
ANNA IS GORGEOUS.
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Don't worry Ali - Simon's behaviour issues at school are completey normal with a new baby around! We went through the same thing and I was so frustrated and embarrased that "my kid" was acting out in that way...I really didn't expect it. Her teacher was amazing and reassurred me that when you make an addition to the family when the firstborn is significantly older, it can be much more difficult on them...it will pass!
My Olivia wanted to stay home every day too...it was a challenge for a while, but after a few weeks once the baby gets into the routine, I found that getting the baby to nap after she arrived home from school was a good time for me to have alone time with her...she got her baby fix for a bit and then she had alone time so we could reconnect. I'm so glad to see you noting the size different! Cool but weird, huh?
The first challenging day makes the next one easier...really. Remember before any kids and you thought you were busy? Then you had A child and you thought you were busy? Moving into the world of "kids" does mean you will have those awful, challenging, downright difficult days, once in a while (or sometimes frequently for a while) there were times (and still now and then and the baby is now 8 months old!) when I really thought I must just suck at being a mom...why was I such a failure? But take it 1 at a time...we're all human! So nice to see you reaching out to all of us out here and sharing...we're all here for you Ali!
Warmest wishes to you and your family!
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Ali,
I am the mother of 2 girls. No boys. The mother daughter bond is amazing. Enjoy it. Savor it.
I felt so guilty and overwhelmed when Olivia came along. How was I going to love her like I love Maya. People told me don't worry you just will. I didn't believe them. No one had ever loved their first born like I love mine. Ever.
Wow! Look what I've learned in the last almost 3 years. I have enough love for both of them. I love them differently but both of them just as intensely. Holding Olivia in my arms with her head on my shoulder calms me like none other.
As I said before, trust yourself. You already know what to do.
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#12? just made me cry at work. love it!
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I was in your position last year. I had a little boy 6 years after my first. We still go through the change with DD being the only child for so long to sharing. Especially since our son had surgery right after he was born in addition to my C section. What I do now is schedule a date with her for Mommy and me time it took me a good 6-8 months to come up with that one.
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Thanks for the words of wisdom and comfort Ali. My 2nd is on the way and I'm very worried about having two under 2 (my son is 18 months old). Your comments make me realize that I'm human and remind me to have no expectations, enjoying every moment. I'll have to reread these once my little one arrives so I don't forget the lessons.
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what a wonderful post Ali. Thank you for sharing a glimpse into your world. I would love to hear more about school situations for Simon. We are having a really hard time right now with our son and his school. He's also on the spectrum and is mainstreamed but we know he is being left behind. Feeling frustrated. Would love to hear what other moms are experiencing.
Thanks!
Gretchen
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